My bf and I have been together for almost a year. I'm 32 and he's 36. The problem with our sex life is that he comes way too fast, often leaving me not satisfied. He's usually done in less than a minute, sometimes even 30 seconds or less, which is definitely not enough time for me to get off.
He is very embarrassed by this problem and sometimes does not want to have sex because he's worried he will come too soon and does not want to disappoint me. He has tried masturbating before we have sex, thinking non-sexual thoughts, stopping for a few seconds, then starting again - you name it, we've tried it. We even do it multiple times a day and he still has the same problem. I would say that I have an orgasm only once out of every 3 - 4times we have sex.
I totally love my bf and we plan on getting married next year. However, I'm worried that our sex life will be horrible because he can't last more than even a minute! Can any guys out there please pass along any tips so that my bf can last longer in bed?
Re: Need tips for my boyfriend to last longer in bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteroses20
My bf and I have been together for almost a year. I'm 32 and he's 36. The problem with our sex life is that he comes way too fast, often leaving me not satisfied. He's usually done in less than a minute, sometimes even 30 seconds or less, which is definitely not enough time for me to get off.
He is very embarrassed by this problem and sometimes does not want to have sex because he's worried he will come too soon and does not want to disappoint me. He has tried masturbating before we have sex, thinking non-sexual thoughts, stopping for a few seconds, then starting again - you name it, we've tried it. We even do it multiple times a day and he still has the same problem. I would say that I have an orgasm only once out of every 3 - 4times we have sex.
I totally love my bf and we plan on getting married next year. However, I'm worried that our sex life will be horrible because he can't last more than even a minute! Can any guys out there please pass along any tips so that my bf can last longer in bed?
Try having a little longer foreplay to have an orgasm before he enters you or incorporating a toy as a quick fix.
Re: Need tips for my boyfriend to last longer in bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteroses20
He is very embarrassed by this problem and sometimes does not want to have sex because he's worried he will come too soon and does not want to disappoint me. He has tried masturbating before we have sex, thinking non-sexual thoughts, stopping for a few seconds, then starting again - you name it, we've tried it. We even do it multiple times a day and he still has the same problem. I would say that I have an orgasm only once out of every 3 - 4times we have sex.
At this point it's a mental issue. He is so worried that he is going to fail that he does. I don't know if women will ever understand how important it is to us to make sure that we last long enough to please them. It's such a terror in the back of our head that we often mess ourselves up. Try as many ways as you can to let him know that it's ok. That he's not failing you and that you love him no matter what and will never leave him. For him it's one of those issues where the world is on his chest. He feels like everything depends on this one thing and so the pressure is so much that he simply short circuits.
The more he worries about this... the worse it will get. Eventually he'll have such a low opinion of himself that he'll just stop wanting to have sex all together. You know him better than anyone else more than likely. Find ways to make sex less serious. One thing that might help is when he inserts himself... don't start having sex right away. Just be joined with one another and talk. Tell each other the things you find sexy about each other while you're joined like that. Make all the movements slow an drawn out. Just enjoy each other's bodies and above all else let him know that there's no pressure and it's ok. Even if his hang time never becomes stellar, it's the low self esteem that keeps him from coming back for seconds, thirds, fourths, fiths... whatever. There is a voice in the back of his head saying "What's the point, you can't please her anyway... you might as well just quit."
Re: Need tips for my boyfriend to last longer in bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guitarguy76
At this point it's a mental issue. He is so worried that he is going to fail that he does. I don't know if women will ever understand how important it is to us to make sure that we last long enough to please them. It's such a terror in the back of our head that we often mess ourselves up. Try as many ways as you can to let him know that it's ok. That he's not failing you and that you love him no matter what and will never leave him. For him it's one of those issues where the world is on his chest. He feels like everything depends on this one thing and so the pressure is so much that he simply short circuits.
The more he worries about this... the worse it will get. Eventually he'll have such a low opinion of himself that he'll just stop wanting to have sex all together. You know him better than anyone else more than likely. Find ways to make sex less serious. One thing that might help is when he inserts himself... don't start having sex right away. Just be joined with one another and talk. Tell each other the things you find sexy about each other while you're joined like that. Make all the movements slow an drawn out. Just enjoy each other's bodies and above all else let him know that there's no pressure and it's ok. Even if his hang time never becomes stellar, it's the low self esteem that keeps him from coming back for seconds, thirds, fourths, fiths... whatever. There is a voice in the back of his head saying "What's the point, you can't please her anyway... you might as well just quit."
Everything said here is very, very true. Alot of it is mental. The physical part he can't control, and take it from experience (I am many times under a minute, like your boyfriend) it's leaves you feeling very low about yourself sexually and all around.
I posted my tips that helped me a bit in another thread, but I'll repost them here:
"Sorry to hear about the bedroom issues. I am a guy who has a similiar problem to your boyfriend, in that I can't last that long in bed. It really frustrates me, and causes me alot of anxiety when it comes to sex. At this point, I prefer oral and hand sex over actual sex because I feel I'm too panicked on how long I can last, and not embarrassing myself by finishing too quickly.
One thing that has helped me is kegal excercises. Working on contracting the muscle when you start to feel yourself getting close to climaxing. Guys can "strengthen" this muscle by starting to pee and then stopping yourself for 10 seconds, then repeating.
Secondly, wear a condom. It will help desensitize things a bit. There are the "desensitizing" condoms that are out there as well. I'm not a fan of them personally, but are worth a try. Just regular old condoms will work in taking some of the "sensation" away.
He should also do deep breathing when you're having sex. Also, try to mentally take himself in and out of the situation (it's difficult, but think about other things). This takes some of the pleasure out of it, but for me, I was so worked up about not lasting long that I took the trade off of less pleasure in order to last a bit longer.
As others said, pleasuring the woman beforehand is GREAT advice. Really takes the pressure off the guy as well. Plus, when having sex, he should concentrate on stuff like rubbing/massaging your lower back or breasts, nibbling your ear, kissing your neck, things that might stimulate you to finish sooner.
If I think of anything else I'll try to post. I get very worked up from this and it had at one point crushed my confidence, so I totally feel for your boyfriends situation."
Re: Need tips for my boyfriend to last longer in bed
I wish my bf also would last longer. We play the game move/stop moving, which is effective but annoying at the same time. The moving part is good and he lasts longer, but overall it doesn't help me coming at all.
Re: Need tips for my boyfriend to last longer in bed 
