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Old 02-25-2012, 09:52 AM   #1
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PinkieMarie HB User
Question No sex drive for years! Please help!

I am mid 50's and feel much younger. Have an active lifestyle. Married to a man that is miserable because I have NO sex drive. I would like to be the way I was when I had a healthy sex life. No depression, no new meds, no marital problems (other than the lack of interest in sex). I avoid alone time with my husband, get anxious when it's time for him to come home from work, am elated when he is away for business. I stay up all night at times, rather than go to bed because I know he'll try again, and again, and again. I don't blame him for trying because he has a very normal sex drive. If I am in bed, I pull away if he touches me, won't hug or kiss for fear of "starting something". He is starved for affection and I hold hands and give him light kisses when we are out, love going out with him. That is genuine, but I know I'm "safe" because there is no chance of sex. I even think of divorce just to avoid the sex. This is a horrible situation for both of us. I am outgong, fun loving, and told I am a very attractive and sexy woman. My best friends would be shocked if they knew about my total lack of interest in sex. I do feel that I am missing out on a piece of life that is lacking. We have tried toys, romantic movies (not porn), romantic trips, and I still feel nothing. I can have great orgasms when we do have sex, but still don't want the sex. It's not worth the effort. Don't want to discuss this with my doctor because I am too close to her. Would rather talk to a stranger, hense this post. Any help out there?

 
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:02 PM   #2
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Re: No sex drive for years! Please help!

WOW! That's a tough situation you are both in. The two of you are frustrating the beegeebers out of each other and unless one of you changes, it'll continue forever. You two really need to sit down and talk this out; how are are you willing to go and vice versa and can you both get to a "place" where you're comfortable. No one should ever have to go through the song and dance you do to avoid sexual situations. Consider boundaries, when it's OK to ask/try to initiate and when's it definitely NOT OK. Try to come to some agreements with how to proceed in this marriage. If one of you can not agree to something that's acceptable with the other, then divorce may be the only option but that really would be a shame. BTW, have your hormones been checked lately. You're at that age where things can go a little wacky. I've lived with just that with two different women and it's not easy to deal with. Good Luck to the both of you!

 
Old 03-19-2012, 04:43 AM   #3
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Re: No sex drive for years! Please help!

I have a similar situation. The only advice I have found on the net is the woman should make more of an effort and that once you try you'll get into it. UGH. That's sorta true on one hand, but the thought of getting started is pure bologna.
I definitely think it's hormonal, but what do we do? Take hormones that may cause us additional problems? Are you on any medication? Alot of meds cause lack of drive. I was on the pill for 20 years on and off.

 
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