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Old 11-24-2012, 06:47 PM   #1
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bf doesn't want sex bc he can't get me off

My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex, or has a lower desire for sex with me because he has never been able to give me an orgasm. I have always done self service. We have been together for five years now. No one has ever been able to give me an orgasm by any means. Not through penetration, oral or even by rubbing. It is like my body will not respond to a foreign touch. I have also always had a problem getting wet for sex. I will be all there mentally, but my body is completely unresponsive, which makes me more self conscious, like i am frigid. We had an argument tonight about why I don't get wet. I said I require a lot of foreplay, and we NEVER have foreplay. i kid you not, sex initiation went like this the other day: me: hey honey, wanna have sexy time? him: ok, pants off. ......mind you, the heat doesn't come in our bedroom very well (meaning the heating, the heat vents, its an old house) and if i am cold? HA, forget it. so then add on being cold, scared i wont respond by getting wet, fear of appearing frigid and unsexual, and my mind won't turn off....it just doesn't happen. When he goes down on me, it's like i don't feel anything. nothing. i feel a tongue on my vagina, yes. but there is no tingling, no good shivering, nothing. this is always how oral sex has felt to me. is there something wrong with me? are my nerves dead?

He says he doesn't feel that foreplay helps me in anyway so he doesn't see the point in it. I realize i am making him out to sound like an *******, and maybe he is. but that is not the problem i am trying to solve. This isn't a problem i've had only with him, so it's got to be me.

I am on birth control, the pill obviously. Ive read that many people can't get wet while on the pill. maybe that contributes?

please offer some advice, i am so tired of this problem : (

 
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Old 11-24-2012, 10:28 PM   #2
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Re: bf doesn't want sex bc he can't get me off

Hmm sounds like we are in the same boat. I am 28 and have only been able to give myself an orgasm by dry rubbing. I have tried everything from testosterone cream to toys and nothing works and with a partner, even with massive foreplay I still can't get off. I don't have the wet problem though. Mine is more like I am physically there but not mentally there. With my last partner we did the book when your sex drives don't match together and that really helped us alot but I dunno if he'd be into somehting like that with you as it does involve answering a bunch of questions and discussing them with each other. Have you ever got close with anyone else. Are there other probs in the relationship. I know stress in the realtionship can cause probs in the bedroom as well. Hope I've helped a little.

 
Old 11-26-2012, 06:40 PM   #3
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Re: bf doesn't want sex bc he can't get me off

There are trust issues. But no guy has been able to get me off, and he said I've had trouble getting wet even in the beginning of the relationship. So I dunno. You helped just by responding :-)

 
Old 11-26-2012, 07:01 PM   #4
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Re: bf doesn't want sex bc he can't get me off

Hi ladies, I'm a lot older than you but I remember in my 20's I had a bf that got really upset when I didn't get wet. So then I couldn't relax and it never happened. When we broke up I was alot happier. I never had the problem after than with other men. But sometimes I do need help, that is why there are personal lubercants. Have you tried fantasy play in your mind when your with your bf? It just doesn't sound like sex is fun for you and that is what it should be.

 
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