HealthBoards

HealthBoards (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/)
-   Sexual Health - Women (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/sexual-health-women/)
-   -   Cant masturbate. Am I broken? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/sexual-health-women/933104-cant-masturbate-am-i-broken.html)

Syo 12-26-2012 10:05 PM

Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
Hi,

I am a 21 year old woman who cant masturbate successfully and has never experienced an orgasm. At this point I'm starting to think that I'm broken either mentally or physically or perhaps both.

I do have past trauma when it comes to sex. I was molested and raped by my babysitter when I was 5. I know that this is most likely the reason why. I am trying to seek professional help (have an appointment with a therapist on the second). But I just cant stand it. I think that I'm damaged and will never be able to experience pleasure with my self of another individual.

Basically the question plaguing my mind right now is will I ever be able to make my self happy. And if I am broken. I know this most likely sounds pathetic but I feel like I'm at my breaking point.

If you have any advise ANY please please speak up. I just don't know what to do anymore.

aowshea 12-30-2012 01:30 AM

Re: Cant masterbate. Am I broken?
 
You need a right partner who can deal with your problem, the one who would untie your insecurities. The one that you would put the trust to him, in the end, because he's worth for it.

This man would never get tired to understand what your problem is, he would listen when everytime you need to be listened to, he is the one that would pour you with the greatest love he has.

Don't be afraid, go on, make one brave step to find this guy. I'm certain that you will meet this man. I'm wishing and praying for you, may God blesses you always and guides you always, so you will find this man.

Syo 12-30-2012 10:30 PM

Re: Cant masterbate. Am I broken?
 
Thank you Aowshea,

I really want to believe that your right. That there is a guy who will help me over this. There is a guy who is special to me though I'm not sure he knows. I have recently tried to get closer to him. And I did for a bit but I think I came on to strong and may have scared him off. Iv never dated before and I really don't know how to express my self to him. I haven't talked to him lately because I'm scared that ill just freak him out more.
But he is worth it, Iv been waiting a long time for him to just notice me. He's worth waiting for, but I'm worried iv already blew my chance. It hurts a lot to think that I may have lost the person I really care for.

Thank you for your post, Ill try to keep my hopes up.

Kszan 12-31-2012 07:07 AM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
First of all I think you need to give yourself a break. You are being way too hard on yourself. Referring to yourself as damaged and broken after what happened to you as a child is not helping you move on from this. You might benefit from therapy to help deal with what happened to you so you can stop seeing yourself that way. Until you begin to love yourself and truly believe in your heart that you are worth a lot and deserve love and happiness I don't think you'll be able to get through this mental block. Work on improving your self esteem and your self image and then work on this other stuff later once you have that worked out.

rosequartz 12-31-2012 12:01 PM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
are you taking anti-depressants?
a friend told me she was taking them and they prevented her from reaching orgasm

Syo 12-31-2012 02:04 PM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
I don't know how to rise my self a steam. I'm dressing more like a woman and try telling my self that I'm worth happiness. But it doesn't sink in. I feel guilty for never telling my family. I just always feel guilty like iv done something wrong and I don't know how to get rid of that feeling. I do believe that I can get over this. I just don't know how. Thank you for your posts.

aowshea 12-31-2012 07:04 PM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
Yep, not every woman can deal this situation by herself, even some therapists won't be enough. Some women would need a help from a partner whom she trusts with, or at least from relatives; such as her mother, if they have a healthy communication.

Thus, therapists are not in (sorry) -giving him what she has- category, so I think some women find it hard to put the trust in them. Excluded for the partner, because of love concerned and gets into the problem itself; the sex and purity of what she has at all.

I believe that trying to find the partner is better rather than wasting your time by staying alone, or lay down on therapist's couch by months without find the right keyhole of your dilemma. Hence, she is in the way of it, there is a guy for her now. So, why would we plot it back, if the chance is in there, right now?

At least give her to try, hopefully he -is- the one, rather than do nothing, or skip the chance.

Best thing is when they are in commitment, slowly and step-by-step, she tells him of why she needs to be listened to. Hopefully he is the understanding one, can ease her burden, accepts her, convinces her that he loves her.

Oh by the way, Soy, try to open up a bit-by-bit about how feel about the relationship. But try not to "chase him". He will avoid if you do chase him for the commitment. Be patient and step-by-step tell him what and how you feel, what you want. There is a timing that he will tell you for the answer you want.

Good luck, and God blesses you as always.

Syo 01-02-2013 04:57 AM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
I scared that its to late. I came on to strong and already chased him. Iv backed off, I apologized for making him feel awkward or uncomfortable. I don't know what to do now I haven't tried to get ahold of him since, figuring I should wait to see if he talks to me. Is there a chance that I can still save this? Or have I already blew it and cased the him off.

Thank you for talking me threw some of this. I don't want to be alone. I think I do need a "partner" to help me. I just hope he gives me another chance. I don't want to loose this person from my life.

I wonder if 01-02-2013 05:11 AM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
I don;t think finding the "right guy" is going to be of any help since you have already stated that your unable to accomplish orgasm on your own. My guess is right now the last thing you need is a man getting in the way of you "fixing" yourself. Absolutely seek out a good therapist and go from there.

aowshea 01-03-2013 02:11 AM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
Nope, there's no too late in building a relationship, if it was ruining, then it's more likely valid. Due to in the emotional crash, one hardly acts rationally.

It's the best way to not assume anything first. Use another approach, such as seek what he likes, who he likes, then dig up from there. Use any available resources, approach people he likes. Don't invade blindly, or he would lose the attraction.

Join his club, I mean hanging out with his friends, his community. By doing this, you would commune and may efficiently fill your lonely life with useful activities. The more person you interact with, the more chance you will find the right man.

Sometimes that person could be the one among his friends. (Most did, including happened to me when I met my wife).

Go on, a good chance never comes twice.

Syo 01-06-2013 08:29 PM

Re: Cant masturbate. Am I broken?
 
Thank you again for your posts.

I have went to my first therapy appointment. She told me that the things that are coming back are most likely memories from when I was abused as a child. The memory that has come up and that's been haunting me since is the memory of him raping me.

I'm so angry, I cant control my anger. I'm not a ill tempered person, I'm usually a very patient person. This Is really upsetting me. Last night I woke up punching my wall and I have no idea why. I want to cause my self physical pain. I don't know why.

I'm going to hang up my punch bag and try taking it all out on it. I hope that this will be enough for me to take out all this anger. My next appointment is Thursday, I hope I can keep control of these rampant emotions till then.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:51 PM.