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-   -   having sex after having NONE in quite awhile... (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/sexual-health-women/934256-having-sex-after-having-none-quite-awhile.html)

Susanna0174 01-06-2013 10:19 PM

having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
Well, it's been years since I've had sex. I haven't been with a man since my divorce almost 6 years ago. YES I KNOW that's a long time. My ex was in a relationship one month after our divorce...go figure! This is a big deal for me. I want to be in a relationship with someone before I have sex again. Although, sometimes I don't think I'd care. I haven't even dated much since my divorce. I haven't even kissed a guy! YUP! I've been hibernating way too long! I was busy though during that time. GRAD school and work. That's why I would like to know if any of you have gone this long or maybe not as long. What was your first time like after not having it for a long period of time? I'm really ready to start dating this year.....(I'm seriously afraid I'm going to pounce on the first hot guy I go on a date with) lol! Anyway, I'd like your feedback.

Susanna0174 01-07-2013 09:39 AM

Re: having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
All I want to know is what it's been like for others in the same situation. I just want to know if anyone has had good or bad experiences of waiting for a great length of time. That's all. Very simple. If you don't want to answer the question I asked then please don't respond.

BillyBob2007 01-07-2013 11:00 AM

Re: having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
Susanna... I know how this could be scary. I'm on the other side of the fence but extremely understanding. I found a couple of extremely popular free dating sites and for 2 years met MANY women online and in person. Here's my observation. Physically, it was no big problem. Most all the women tended to have emotional issues as we all do after finding ourselves suddenly alone. Many are very untrusting but there were some who just wanted sex and didn't care if I cared about them or not. I find that without an emotional connection the sex is very unsatisfying though the momentary pleasure is okay. Physically, if there has been no penetration for quite a while your fist time could be painful. So, go slow, take the lead and be aroused and lubricated (preferably by natural means). It can be a great experience. Honestly, I found that I met a much higher quality of ladies online than I did when I went to bars or churches for a social experience... a.k.a. to pick up women. Beware of the kooks and idiots out there but give this question a shot in the forums on the free dating sites. If nothing else it could be very entertaining tho' you may get some really freaky answers.

tearsnfears 01-07-2013 06:40 PM

Re: having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
Susanna, I went 7 years after my divorce before I entered a relationship with a man that included sex. Like you I was busy with school and work. I was raising my kids and I wasn't going to jump in to bed with the first guy that came along. Because of that I will tell you I was extremely nervous when it did happen but when it did it was amazing. The guy and I dated afterwards for several months and though our relationship did not work out as a long term relationship but he is probably my best friend now and I rely on him for advice with other relationships and I wouldn't change having waited for anything.

Thisby 01-11-2013 06:46 PM

Re: having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
The sex part is pretty much like riding a bicycle :D It'll all come back to you.
(And it's not like sex has changed since you last had it.)

I don't think the gap should have any impact on that part of it. The emotional part though... make sure you're ready and don't put too much pressure on yourself (or him).

Good luck :)

Ilovedollhouses 01-12-2013 08:33 PM

Re: having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
Hi Susanna...Being a woman myself and knowing how our bodies work I can tell you that the best thing to do is to keep yourself sexually stimulated until that time comes...By this I mean try to masturbate once a week...By doing this you will not dry up and it become more painful...Besides that it will keep a smile on your face....As far as having a time frame between encounters, I can't see how this can make any difference...My best advice would be to just take it slow... Make sure he is a man worthy of you as a woman...Think of yourself as a one of a kind and find someone who you feel is special.....

Not to worry, you will be fine...Take care...ILD....

DonniesAngel 03-17-2013 07:52 PM

Re: having sex after having NONE in quite awhile...
 
I completely understand what you are going through. I was married for 17 years. I waited 3 years before I felt I was ready to get back out there and I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. In fact I think it is healthy to take the time to heal. Like you I really wanted to be in a relationship before becoming sexually active again. I have never been one to have careless sex. What I found was I was so fixated on finding "the one" I was willing to see anyone as "the one" because of sexual urges. I finally gave into these urges and accepted that I had needs and if this went no further it was ok. Once I had the physical stuff out of the way I was able to look past that and look for a man that took care of the other needs we have friendship, companionship and love. I have now been with my bf for 8 months and have never been happier. I think sometimes being alone clouds our judgment and confuses things. Look at things for what they are, relax go with the flow and you will find what you are looking for.
Hope this helped. :angel:


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