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Old 08-24-2013, 11:25 PM   #1
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Difficulty enjoying sex

I'm a young woman and I've been experiencing a good deal of headache about the fact that at some point in the last few years, my libido just sort of keeled over.

When it comes to having sex or participating in any sexual acts, I don't like it. Even when I'm feeling emotionally close and affectionate with my boyfriend, I'm never aroused, and on the rare occasion that I am, everything shuts down with screeching brakes the second we progress beyond heavy kissing. Then, if we try to keep going anyway, I basically end up feeling violated or, if not, it just doesn't feel good because my body isn't cooperating. (I should mention here that I'm not being pressured. I care for him and want to share the experience with him, and even feel like sometimes he deserves it as a reward for being especially sweet to me.) To make matters worse, I often feel bad about how rarely (if ever) I'm in the mood because, consciously, I want sexual intimacy to be part of our relationship, but my body just doesn't seem to agree.

I know that I'm not asexual and that I can be very aroused by my boyfriend, because there have been times when it has happened, and when it did it was peachy. I also know that, while I'm on birth control, I've experienced that arousal while reliably using the pill. This problem that I've been describing has only started happening in the last year or two.

A lot of the advice that I've found while trying to research about my body hasn't seemed helpful. It's all about "try masturbating and getting to know your body," or "spice up your sex life with a new toy or game." And, often, the related threads I find across the web are for women who aren't aroused by their partners but love to masturbate, or other such similar-but-irrelevant discussions.

After all, if I'm not even getting aroused while having a romantic time with my boyfriend, how can I be expected to get excited enough to paw at myself after drinking a bottle of water and watching reality TV? I spent a good three months apart from my honey while he was out of town and was completely happy experiencing nothing sexual at all. I've tried it once or twice, but even when my libido was raring to go, I've never had a hint of interest in masturbation. And then, when you're the sort of girl who actually likes when things are pretty vanilla in the bedroom, bringing in the imploding dickinator 5000 isn't going to help anybody.

I've been called a prude before, but I really don't feel like there's anything wrong with that. I just wish I could find a little more help for my situation that's actually suited to my tastes.

-----

So, has anybody else experienced these sorts of things? I'm feeling a little bit on my own here since everything I've seen is "I really like sex!" or "I don't like sex but I'm still a horny person!" or "You need to get it on with yourself!"

Does anyone have any advice on how to get my body more excited and agreeable with the sexual activities my brain wants to do that doesn't involve trying to shove myself into being exploratory/adventurous with intimacy in ways that I'm either not comfortable with or not interested in?

Thanks

 
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Old 08-25-2013, 06:23 AM   #2
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

Some oral contraceptives can lower sex drive.

Vitamin b5 helps with sexual drive. It's used in manufacturing sexual hormones in the adrenal gland. Ginkgo balboa, fish, milk, eggs, and peanuts too..although not proven with the ginkgo. The others sends acetylcholine, a brain chem, sexual impulses from brain to sexual organs.

 
Old 08-26-2013, 05:36 AM   #3
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

Well, there is variation in every human behavior and therefore an average interest in most people, and some above average and some below. You may simply fall into the very below average category. If this is the case though you should otherwise feel pretty normal. If you are experiencing other problems such as sleep problems or energy problems there may be a medical issue. If your periods are normal then a medical problem is not likely to be hormonal. Otherwise you should consult with a gyn doctor. If there is no gyn problem, then depression can be an issue. If it is depression, medication can help but you need to be careful to select a medication that has the least chance of impairing your libido. If you are unsure about your answers to these questions, see a gyn first, then if they say your fine, consult a psychologist who works in the field of marriage counseling, preferably a woman to help you sort things out. The most important aspects of a relationship are love and trust and you seem to have these in yours so you are basically in a good place.

Last edited by sPrize; 08-26-2013 at 05:39 AM. Reason: Slight spelling errors

 
Old 08-26-2013, 04:16 PM   #4
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

Deficiency of Vitamin B5 or pantothenic acid is almost unheard of and when it does occur has global, severe consequences.

 
Old 08-26-2013, 08:36 PM   #5
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by sPrize View Post
Deficiency of Vitamin B5 or pantothenic acid is almost unheard of and when it does occur has global, severe consequences.
I should write to cosmos for this ridiculous info! Darn those sex mags!

 
Old 08-26-2013, 09:23 PM   #6
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

No worries. What you said was true just unlikely to be the cause or solution to problem.

 
Old 09-01-2013, 05:03 PM   #7
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

For me, birth control completely destroyed my sex drive to the point where I would become disgusted with my fiance if he even touched me. It was awful and he ended up asking me if I wasn't attracted to him anymore because of the way I was acting. The weird thing is, I had been on the pill for 7 years with no problems and then BAM one day my sex drive was completely and totally gone. I ended up stopping birth control and I just can't get enough now (sorry if that was TMI! haha) but this may be what you're experiencing. Also, one of my friends ended up getting a testosterone pellet implanted because her sex drive was so low on birth control. So maybe that could be something to consider.

 
Old 09-28-2013, 11:41 PM   #8
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Re: Difficulty enjoying sex

Read racy books or magazines, even about sexual activities that you may not approve of. It. is not your body that needs to be awakened, it is your imagination. As long as it is in a commited relationship, you do not need to feel guilty or ashamed about any activity, as long as both partners agree and it is not humiliating or hurtful.
I suggest activities that make you aware of your femininity, other than sexual. Wear pretty clothes and lingerie, do your hair and makeup differently. Go naked in under your clothes in public and you should smile and tingle when you think about your secret. You are a sexual being and that has nothing to do with a partner...

 
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