paulb

I think you could try a different mind-set. Turn yourself around. Instead of seeing it as a nuisance, see it as a simple, straightforward matter.

Consider it that you want to pleasure him routinely - once a day, perhaps more, much as you may make meals for him. Decide to simply do it without the angst. Consider the options - when you want to "just play", then do it, but accept that at the end, you give him a climax, but not necessarily as it were, "in great detail".

In order to do this, you could do two things. Firstly, be very, very clear, open and explicit with him. Sit down and discuss it, explain the points - that you will on some occasions, not expect to be deeply involved, but you know that he will tend to anyway.

Explain that there are essentially two options when that happens, either you just stop, or you employ a mutually agreed method to "settle him down". So then agree on such a method and facilitate it. For example, you might give him a "hand job", or you might let him enter from behind, but oral sex requires far too much involvement. In either case, there are ways of deliberately speeding up the process. For a "hand job", you can go fast using a lubricant, so have a "kit" of the lubricant and towel ready, so that you can make it from your point of view, easy and tidy ( - you probably want the towel, whichever you do, or perhaps a condom can be used to make things "tidy"!).

I submit that he isn't being over-sexual. He's a guy - and guys "speak" in sex. They do not necessarily distinguish as you do between feeling "like fooling around" and being sexual.

The point is that you have to distinguish being confusingly subtle and the honesty of being explicit, which can save you a lot of time you may otherwise spend becoming anxious about what you don't want to do. Instead of being "not in the mood", you have the option of being in a "businesslike" or "no fuss" mood where you declare that he does not expect to get you fully excited, but won't miss out himself. As others have said, were the tables turned, you'd be every bit as disappointed.

Finally, let me suggest in explanation of my first comments, that if it is obvious to him, that you are prepared to value his needs and feelings, then paradoxically, they will become much less obvious.