Hey all - I've been going with my girl for 8 months. At the start of our relationship, she was a frickin nympho. She rocked my world. She used to sit RIGHT beside me in the car. Used to kiss me passionately. Used to grab for my hand when we were walking.
At 6 months into our relationship, she started kissing me less.
Now at 8 months, she's hardly interested in sex at all. Maybe once a week, twice if i'm lucky.
She hardly kisses me at all now. Even when I stay over at her place once or twice a week (we don't live together), and we sleep in the her bed, she likes me to cuddle her, but resists my advances. I hardly even get a good night kiss at all. If I don't give HER one, then I usually don't get one at all. She hardly even says "goodnight" to me anymore.
She walks 6 feet in front of me most of the time now. Trying to make eye contact with her is hard. It's almost as if she avoids it.
She says she views this relationship as a "long term" thing, but she's sure not acting like it. She says i'm wonderful, but then doesn't act like she wants to be near me or close to me, and like i said, sex only happens once or twice a week MAX. For the last 3 or 4 weeks or so.
What's going on? Ladies, is there a reason for a girl to do what I see as such a complete turn around in terms of warmness towards me and such a lack of sex drive?
When we're together there just isn't that "spark" between us that there used to be. After only 8 months.
I'm starting to think that she is having second thoughts about the relationship. And i'm feeling left out in the cold. She's not very communicative, and it's hard to get her to talk about her feelings, but then, it's always been that way with her. She's still pretty closed off emotionally. Me looking into her eyes makes her nervous.
I'm a warm, loving guy who wants warmth and intimacy in his relationship with his girl. I'm in Love with her, but I fear that she not only is not in love with me, but is distancing herself further and further from me.
Ladies? Have you ever been in this situation? What should I do? I feel like i'm slowly being pushed away, and it's really bumming me out.
unfortunately, this could sway either way....... either she has become disinterested in the relationship and doesn't know how to tell you, so her way of dealing with it is withdrawling from you..... however, from your statements that you used to be that extremely passionate.... i would think that wasn't the case........ OR..... something has happened to her as far as her self esteem goes...... or some problem is just weighing on her mind..... and she feels she doesn't "deserve" you ....... i've been in both situations.... where i've withdrawn due to lack of love..... and i've withdrawn from something being on my mind OTHER than the relationship and it almost had the same effect on the men... in other words... they thought i was disinterested.... in the first case for me it was true... HOWEVER, with my fiancee now, we are so much in love.... from the very start and very passionate..... as far as the sex in our relationship it's still 5x a week... BUT, i do withdraw and act dis interested when something's bothering me.... and being disinterested in him is just absurd.....
so.... what to do??? i assume you've tried talking to her about it...??? one thing that helps me when i think the reverse is true.. that he's disinterested... is i say to him..... "i'm not feeling the love today"....... and he'll usually not even know that he wasn't being as close to me as normal.....
get to the root of the problem one way or the other...
She HAS told me that she's not at the same "level" as me in terms of her affection for me vs. mine for her.
I truly am in Love with her. She? Right now I seriously doubt that she does Love me. Sure she LIKES me a lot, enough to call me her boyfriend, but not LOVE. And that hurts a little.
She HAS said that sometimes she feels that she "doesn't deserve me".
I told her I don't care as long as she treats me right. I can wait for the "I love you" from her, as long as she at least acts like she's "into" me, yknow? I'm trying not to push her emotionally into loving me. I'm not trying to control her. I try to give her lots of space.
It just seems like when I give her more "space" then she uses it to distance herself even more, yknow?
And now the sex is very sparse, and we don't even kiss passionately anymore. Not even during sex. I get little pecks during sex even. That's not normal is it?
We used to be VERY passionate actually - really! We used to do it 5 or 6 times a week for weeks on end! SHE used to initiate sex more often than I would at the start of our relationship! NOW, if I don't "come on" to her, then 95% of the time it's not going to happen.
But it's really not about the sex, although I think it IS a symptom of what's going on with her.
I just hope she's not giving up on "us". I SO want it to work out, because I Love her, even IF she doesn't have the same level of affection back towards me. I just want to feel APPRECIATED and WANTED, sexually of course, but even more so, emotionally.
I know I know - Communicate, communicate, communicate. We have to communicate to make things work. She's just so "protective" of herself that it makes it hard to get her to TALK to me about what's going on.
How can I approach her? Is there a gentle way of saying: "Hey - I think you're losing interest in me" or "Hey - do you want out but don't know exactly HOW to let me down gently?"
I don't want to lose her, but I need to know where she is, because it's hurting me, feeling like she's tired of me...
i have that "protective" shield over me sometimes too.... it's just how i operate..... from past relationships of being hurt..... if i'm feeling a little insecure.... i'll "put the walls up".... and there's just no getting in...... i'll send such mixed signals to my fiancee.... knowing i'm doing it.... he'll think that i've lost interest.... or i don't love him.... sooo the opposite is true in my case... i love him more than life..... BUT... i still put up the walls when i'm feeling "threatened".... (i'm divorced by the way, i don't know if i mentioned that before)...... anyway, WHAT REALLY works for me... and this is us... and i don't know if it would work even if she is like me.... but,... whenever i'm a little distant .... and he'll get somethign out of me... like... "i so don't deserve you".... or "why do i deserve you??"..... he'll go on... literally for minutes about "why he loves me".... in such a loving way..... makes me feel wonderful.. so much so i can't keep the walls up anymore..... THEN... when i actually tell him i'm "feeling insecure"... for whatever reason.... he says... "honey, its me".... "it's me".... that helps tons.... it's weird .. but it does.... in other words he's saying... "i'm not the men who've claimed to love you in the past and hurt you or decieved you..... it's me, your best friend"......
anyway, that's what helps if she's really in love with you....... i'm not saying she isn't..... but, it's hard to decifer between the two without her just coming out and saying what it is......
her saying "i don't deserve you".... could also mean the opposite..... (i hope it doesn't for your sake you sound like you really love her).... BUT... i didn't love my ex husband..... i tried to stay away from sex and anything intimate...... i never said "i don't deserve you"... but, i have used "it's me not you"...... now, there's a whole lot more there... cause my ex husband cheated and abused.... BUT... i know in the beginning of my relationship with my ex i never felt the "spark" ever... not even in the beginning......
Start putting some distence between you too. Don't always be at her back and call. Don't look needy for attention. The more you complain about it to her the more you will push her away. Once you make yourself less avaliable if she truly cares for you she will want you again more. If it wasn't ment to be then you will see more distance in you two and then its best to move on.
I was in a relationship simular to that but our passion and sex lasted for two solid years and after that it started to dwindle and so has the other small things like deap kisses and hugs. The relationship started to fizzle out and that partly because of the long time together (we called it too comfortable) and other issues outside of our relationship (like family acceptence) so after another year we ended up going our seperate ways. Remember you can't force a relationship. Give it space, keep it intresting and fresh but when those things fail time to make "move on" plans. Good luck.
My girl - not warm to me anymore - HELP PLEASE! 
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