std's and your significant other - Sexually Transmitted Diseases Message Board

luv4adonai · 08-21-2004, 07:08 PM

i have hpv and just recently had my warts surgically removed. the guy i'm with (my ex from over a year ago who i just recently got back together with) knows about the virus and says that he loves me anyways and wants to be with me...we just won't have sex until we're ready to make that commitment (marriage). however, recently i had a conversation with him and he made it sound like he wouldn't be willing to have sex with me even if and when we're married

i can understand where he's coming from...by having sex with me he will most likely contract hpv, and that scares him because he will have the virus for life (it's a life altering decision). my problem is, if we do get to that point (the point of wanting to spend the rest of our lives together), how am i going to be able to handle him not wanting to be with me physically if that's his choice? it's not like i can blame him. is there anyone here who is with someone sexually and they knew beforehand that you had an std that they would most likely get too, but they decided they were willing to take that chance because they love you? is there anything i can tell him to reasure him it'll be alright? please help

JLB284 · 08-21-2004, 08:46 PM

He'll marry you but he won't have sex with you? That's the lamest thing I've ever heard. And what are each of you going to do about sex? Nothing? Be celibate for the rest of your lives? I hope your not seriously considering this wonderful offer of his. Why SHOULD you have to handle it? If he chooses no sex, you can choose no marriage. By the way, if you slept with him in the past he most likely already has it, or he gave it to you. Don't consider yourself damaged goods who has to settle for life without sex.

luv4adonai · 08-21-2004, 11:00 PM

no, he doesn't have it...we broke up a year and a half ago, and since then i've been with others. yes, there's still the possibility that he's the one that gave it to me, but i believe the chances are slim...i honestly don't think i contracted it from him.

yeah, i told him it's ridiculous that he wouldn't have sex with me even if we were married...i understand holding out now until we're both ready for that kind of commitment and know for sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but once we know that, i would hope he'd love me enough to take the risk. but then again, i realize he'd be risking his health for me and it got me thinking...even if i don't end up with him, what about other men? can i honestly blame them for choosing not to be with me because of this? i've told him to do research on hpv and find out what the consequences of it are, and if he wants to, we can go to the doctor together and he can ask her questions. hpv is not the end of the world...it could definitely be a lot worse. i just don't know how i'm going to convince him, or whoever i marry to have sex with me.

john1122 · 08-22-2004, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv4adonai

no, he doesn't have it...we broke up a year and a half ago, and since then i've been with others. yes, there's still the possibility that he's the one that gave it to me, but i believe the chances are slim...i honestly don't think i contracted it from him.

yeah, i told him it's ridiculous that he wouldn't have sex with me even if we were married...i understand holding out now until we're both ready for that kind of commitment and know for sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but once we know that, i would hope he'd love me enough to take the risk. but then again, i realize he'd be risking his health for me and it got me thinking...even if i don't end up with him, what about other men? can i honestly blame them for choosing not to be with me because of this? i've told him to do research on hpv and find out what the consequences of it are, and if he wants to, we can go to the doctor together and he can ask her questions. hpv is not the end of the world...it could definitely be a lot worse. i just don't know how i'm going to convince him, or whoever i marry to have sex with me.

"he'd be risking his health for me" is a little strong. I have stated before and will state again, i dont see the big deal in HPV (for men). In women it has been known to cause cancer in veryyyyyyy rare cases. For men it has been known to cause little bumps, that for me at least do not hurt at all. So what? WORST case scenario you get them frozen off. Best case they go away by themself or you just use a cream and they go away. Tell him to do some research before he says he's not going to have sex with you, he may think this is a lot bigger deal then it is.