Trying to help from overseas- - Sexually Transmitted Diseases Message Board

Marcianna · 01-10-2006, 03:29 AM

I am currently serving overseas in Iraq, and my husband just notified me that his brother-n-law unexpectedly died of A.I.D.S. My husband's sister told only their mother of the true cause of death. She didn't tell my husband, or her 18 year old daughter, who just gave birth three weeks ago. My husband and his sister are as close as siblings come. He doesn't know for sure if she's contracted the disease because she was separated from her husband. He can't stop crying and thinking about life without his sister. He knows if the worse possible outcome arises, he's got to be strong for his niece, for he has always been the backbone of the family. What can I say or do to comfort him from afar, being that his mother and I are the only family members that know the truth, and with whom he can discuss this issue?

ChrissyBU · 01-10-2006, 05:23 PM

This is a terrible tragedy. My heart and thoughts are with your family during this time.

I am sure that his death was a shock to your sister in law or maybe not, maybe she has known all along? That is not really important. Give her time to come to terms with it herself and then I am sure that she will tell your husband what happened. There is nothing to be ashamed of, AIDS is an epidemic in this country and in many third world countries and many people turn their backs on it, as if it does not exist. It is heartbreaking that so many people know so little about it or even acknowledge the fact that it does not only affect the gay community anymore.

Maybe your sister in law is awaiting test results before she tells your husband? I would advise him to not jump to conclusions until he knows the real facts. If she does not come forth soon, I would advise that he confront her with his concerns. It is the only way that he will find relief. For now, go to the HIV/AIDs section of this board and talk to people with the disease. If your husband has internet access, he should get involved too. He should start educating himself on the disease first and foremost, this is the key to his survival through this time. Secondly, like I mentioned before, he should confront his sister about his concerns. She must get tested as well as her daughter. I am sure that her husbands doctor's have spoken to her about this already. This is immperative to the health an well being to everyone, not just herself.

I hope that this helps you. I am sure that she is in a big state of shock and denial right now and it may take her some time to come to terms with it. Not to mention the fact that she could be infected herself.

Don't panic, but try to encourage the truth to come into the light.. that is what is most important. Keeping this disease a secret and shrouding it with shame is the very reason why it continues to infect so many innocent people.

Good luck to you,

CBU