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Old 01-16-2006, 01:39 AM   #1
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fbt78 HB User
Please Help I don't Know what to do...

I went to my doctor and diagnosed with having genital warts. The only thing that I am afraid of is that I never knew I had it until now. I thought it was nothing at the very first time I saw it (stupid of me). Well, now I have a girlfriend and she's been with me for over 3 years and i've never cheated on her or anything.. I don't know how to tell her that i have this STD. I'm very afraid that she'll leave me because i have STD. I'm also afraid that she has it as well because of me. I'm feeling so guilty and very down because of what i have. I just don't know how to tell her about this situation.. She's had 2 pap done for the past years and the doctor just makes her go back once a year. Does that mean she doesnt have abnormal PAP??? please help.. thanks..

 
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Old 01-16-2006, 03:30 PM   #2
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ChrissyBU HB User
Re: Please Help I don't Know what to do...

Hey FBT,

Ok, I wanted to offer you some advice becuz my boyfriend and I went through the same thing, needless to say, we are still together and doing fine.
Now, I may bring up a few testy subjects with you but try not to close your mind to any of them... it is important to understand HPV and I must advise you to do as much research as you can on the virus and get ALL of the facts so that you can inform your girlfriend and help ease her fears.

Ok, so you are saying that you saw a wart before you were with your girlfriend? and you did not know it was a wart right? ( totally common, most people have no idea what they look like and assume that they are these big ugly warts, when in fact they look nothing like that) So is it safe to assume that there is no chance that your gf may have given it to you..right? I am not saying that she cheated but that may be what happened if you were just diagnosed... had to bring that up, sorry dude.

The odds are that you have already infected your gf, almost 100% if you have been with her for two years and have been having unprotected sex with her while you had visible warts.. but you may not want to throw that all in her direction at once.

Some facts are: 80% of the population carries this virus. If you have had three or more sexual partners you either carry the virus or have been exposed to it. Less that 30% of people that carry the virus EVER develop the warts. HPV is a transient virus and the body usually rids itself of the diease in 6months to two years after infection.
That last part was only recently discovered and many doctors do not even admit to it. The truth is that the medical community knows very little about HPV and that is why it is so prevelant.. like I said do your research! Read medical journals and studies on the internet.. it will really help you feel better about it all. Bottom line: it sucks have an STD, it sucks having to deal with warts, BUT, it is not the end of the world and honestly, it could have been a lot worse.

HPV is also weird becuz, there is no test for men that do not show visible warts so many men go around infecting people without even knowing that they carry it. Ok so, your girl goes in for paps every year? That is great and it is even more important that she continue to get those done. Having a negative pap does not mean that she does not have HPV. I had that similar idea and thought that I did not have HPV, I was misinformed...by my doctor, no less, so that just goes to show how little is known about this disease. I have normal paps but still have HPV. A abnormal pap means that she has tested positive for high risk HPV, the kind that CAN lead to cervical cancer but this is not as common as the low risk kind that causes the warts. She still has HPV but it is a great sign that her paps are normal...a really great sign.

Lastly, be honest with your girlfriend..please tell her and tell her that you did not know that you have the virus. My bf infected me and I was the one that developed the warts a short time after we started having unprotected sex... the truth is, you can never be sure who infected who becuz HPV can lay dormant in your body long after you have been infected so there is no use in pointing fingers... COme clean with your girl and be armed with facts to share with her to make her feel more at ease. There is nothing that you could have done to prevent this,, literally, nothing. That is why so much of the population has this virus. I hope this helps you and be sure to let us know how things are going.. don't be scared.... get the facts.

CBU

 
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Old 01-17-2006, 12:10 AM   #3
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fbt78 HB User
Re: Please Help I don't Know what to do...

Thanks ChrissyBU, that helped eased my mind thanks..i'll come clean to her about the virus and hoping that she'll understand the situation that her and I will face...

 
Old 01-17-2006, 01:19 AM   #4
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ChrissyBU HB User
Re: Please Help I don't Know what to do...

Hey,

Cool!!
I totally understand what you are going through. I was so scared when I first found out. I told my boyfriend that I thought I had an STD becuz I did a lot of research on the internet beforehand. He went with me and was so supportive during my diagnosis. He also learned the facts and realized that he was likely the person that gave it to me. It did not change the way he feels about me. He was sympathetic and realized that neither of us knew! And that there was nothing that we could have done to stop it. It will be a rough time but, it made my boyfriend and I stronger because it forced us to tackle a tough issue together and taught us to be forgiving and non-judgmental about each others past. Like I said, so many people have this virus, likely, many people that you know that just don't talk about it. Try not to worry yourself about it so much, just take the next step and start dealing with it and doing what you need to get better.


On another note, most doctors/clinic do not even test for HPV even when you ask to be tested for STD's. You think that you are being tested for everything but that is untrue. You must ask for specific tests. Even if she had an abnormal test, she must ask to have a THINPRep Test to confirm what type of HPVshe has. Now this is only if she has no warts. She may have warts too and not know that is what they are.

Glad that I could help you... there are many cycles of emotions involved and I have been through them all and my BF has been there right beside me through it all because he truly cares about me and our sexual health. If your gf feels the same, she will be there for you as well. You want someone to be with you through good and bad and believe me, there are much worse "bads" than having HPV. I hope this helps you.

CBU

Last edited by ChrissyBU; 01-17-2006 at 01:23 AM. Reason: read the wronf post and answered question twicw

 
Old 01-26-2006, 09:08 PM   #5
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sweetsuzy574 HB User
Re: Please Help I don't Know what to do...

I am sorry that you have to go through this. I had to go through it with my boyfriend. I felt so ashamed, but he was very understanding and we have been together for about 4 yrs. I'm sure your girlfriend will understand, but please be sure to tell her b/c HPV can cause cervical cancer. I have had two surgeries b/c of my HPV. I hear that most women don't get cancer (or dysplasia, which is what I had) from HPV though, so don't stress. If she gets a pap smear regularly it is o.k. Her pap would come back abnormal if she had dysplasia. Good luck!

 
Old 01-30-2006, 01:00 AM   #6
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fbt78 HB User
Re: Please Help I don't Know what to do...

Thanks SweetSuzy... I will tell her.. I would not want to keep anything from her. It's good that your boyfriend was very understanding. Thanks for the help I might have to as you guys more questions because it's so hard having to worry about this type of STD that i have. plus you guys are female, I would like to know also in a female point of views... Thanks again SweetSuzy and Chrissy...

 
Old 02-01-2006, 09:19 PM   #7
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patte1rm HB User
Re: Please Help I don't Know what to do...

I have had symptoms similar to genital warts. Now... this may sound like a very stupid question, and it probably is. I need to make an appointment with my doctor so I can be seen soon while I still have these “bumps”. When I call to make an appointment, I am not sure what to say when they ask me whyI would liek to see a doctor. Im going to tell them my symptoms, I just don’t want to have to wait days to be seen, I guess im really scared/ embarrassed and I don’t want to say the wrong things when I call.

 
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