How do you start THIS conversation?!?!? - Sexually Transmitted Diseases Message Board

Palomino · 07-09-2003, 01:09 PM

I need some advice from people who have been in my position, or have heard this from others.

I just found out I have chlamydia (went for a pap last week.) I have my pills and things should be fine, so it's ok.

I know that I must have gotten it from my boyfriend of 1 year (I went for a pap right before I dated him, and I was a couple of months late this year.)

I don't think he knows he has it -- we talked about it and he said he was clean. of course if he DOES know then he lied to me, which opens another can of worms.

Anyways, he has to get tested and treated too. I know he's a little weird about cheating. I have to talk to him about this, but I'm afraid that he'll think I cheated on him and gave it to him. I've never cheated on him, I'm crazy about him.

How do I bring up this topic? What's the best way to do it? This isn't a hugely serious disease, it should be ok, but I'm still nervous about talking to him.

Thanks.

normorcrazy · 07-09-2003, 04:07 PM

More than likely he's going to get angry and accuse you to defend himself. Since you all chose to be sexually active then the only way to tell him is out right and the sooner the better. Your right, it's not a serious disease unless gone untreated, in which you can get PID and cause severe damage to your fallopian tubes which can result in infertility. That's not serious unless you want to have kids one day. I think you should learn from this and even after he's treated if you stay with him you need to be responsible and use protection. If he can cheat once he can do it again. I think it's a little concerning when you say you have your pills and things should be fine...what happens the next time and you end up with HIV (which can take up to 6 mos to show up, so you aren't out of the woods yet). Will it be ok once you get your pills? What about hepatitis, which kills at a faster rate than HIV/AIDS? These are life time diseases, along with genital warts and herpes. Is he a life time boyfriend? You really need to face reality and take care of yourself because it's no one else's duty to take care of you!!!

Palomino · 07-10-2003, 10:12 AM

[quote]Originally posted by normorcrazy:
[b]More than likely he's going to get angry and accuse you to defend himself. Since you all chose to be sexually active then the only way to tell him is out right and the sooner the better.[b] [QUOTE]

Fortunately I was able to speak with him almost immediately after posting here. We had a serious discussion and I was able to clear up some real issues.

[QUOTE][b] Your right, it's not a serious disease unless gone untreated, in which you can get PID and cause severe damage to your fallopian tubes which can result in infertility. That's not serious unless you want to have kids one day. [b] [QUOTE]

I agree. That would explain why I am rushing to take the treatment and forcing him to as well including tracking down his past partners.

[QUOTE] [b]I think you should learn from this and even after he's treated if you stay with him you need to be responsible and use protection. [b] [QUOTE]

Believe me, I have. However, 75% of chlamydia infections are asymptomatic -- that means you simply don't know you've got anything. No symptoms. I wasn't sitting around watching my body fight this infection and thinking it was fun! I am by no means the first nor the last person to end up in this difficult position. Of course I've learned from it, and it won't happen again. I had the fear of God in me for three days. Think it was fun? It wasn't. I'm not going through that again. I'm going to be the condom queen, believe me.

[QUOTE][b]If he can cheat once he can do it again. I think it's a little concerning when you say you have your pills and things should be fine...what happens the next time and you end up with HIV (which can take up to 6 mos to show up, so you aren't out of the woods yet). Will it be ok once you get your pills? What about hepatitis, which kills at a faster rate than HIV/AIDS? These are life time diseases, along with genital warts and herpes. Is he a life time boyfriend? [b][QUOTE]

I can understand what you're getting at here. I have been tested for all of those diseases as well. I did screw up -- but at least I'm trying to fix it and keep it from happening again.

Quote:

You really need to face reality and take care of yourself because it's no one else's duty to take care of you!!!

I wasn't aware that I was refusing to face reality, but thanks so much for taking the time to point it out to me. And believe me, I'm not counting on anyone else to take care of me. I just thought that so far, people on this board were able to help out and be supportive, and I've never been in this position before. If it appears to you like I'm expecting someone else to take care of me, my apologies for any inconvenience. Just thought someone might understand my position. I made a mistake and I'm asking for help -- does that **** you off? Gee whiz, I'm so sorry.

Don't worry -- I won't bother you people again.

[This message has been edited by Palomino (edited 07-10-2003).]

livenlearn · 07-10-2003, 10:19 AM

before you're so quick to run off... I'VE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE.... all of my paps were always normal... i started dating a guy.... and suddenly, i found myself with chlamydia.... didn't cheat..etc.... i was VERY nervous about telling him because he was my best friend's cousin.... and she was very protective of him.... and OF COURSE according to them i was the one that gave it to him... but, i know that's not true.... regardless... point of the story here is this.... for your health , for his health.. and pretty much for anyone's health that either one of you choose to sleep with, its more than important to talk to him, tell him you understand how he feels, and you're just as confused as him as to where this came from... blahblahblah.... one point i have to make is that it is common to have had chlamydia and not have symptoms... maybe he had this before he even met you... and you just found out now that you caught it from him when you first started sleeping together... most times chlamydia doesn't have symptoms.... something to think about...

just be honest with him that you're scared and worried not only about health issues, but your relationship.... there's many possible scenarios that could have caused you to get this.... firstly, (unless you have reasons to believe otherwise) give him the benefit of the doubt.... and most important... take care of yourself, get re-checked after you're done with the meds.... when i had it , it took 3 doses of meds to get rid of it.... and the only reason i knew i still had it was because i went back to the docs to get re-checked... that's SOOOOO important...

let us know how you're doing, what went down and how you're gonna handle this.... know that chlamydia is curable 100%... and its not the end of the world...

[This message has been edited by livenlearn (edited 07-10-2003).]

Palomino · 07-10-2003, 10:25 AM

Thanks livenlearn. I was terrified and didn't sleep for three days when I learned that I had to go back in to the doctor. I am so relieved that I'm going to be ok, and that you don't think I'm irresponsible, ignoring reality or expecting other people to take care of me like the earlier poster on this board. I just love the way people who post on an STD board want to prance in the door and start throwing around judgement -- is anyone in here pleased with their situation? Is anyone in here NOT going to make an effort to keep it from happening again? Honestly -- with the **** I've gone through, the worrying, the regret, the absolute fear, I think I figured the whole protection thing out. I learned my lesson the hard way but I LEARNED IT.

I spoke to him right after I posted my first message on this board. He was calling to ask about the doctor's appointment. We sat down that night and talked about it, and he felt awful. He says he has no symptoms and honestly didn't know, and since my last pap was before I dated him, this may very well have been in our relationship since the get-go. Fortunately he went to the doctor yesterday and we're going to take our treatments together. It was a rough conversation, but we were both supportive and trusting of each other and I think we'll get through it.

Thanks for your help.