xMzS13x

I have had random anxiety attacks for a long time but it was never bad until March this year. In January me and my fiance were having problems and I moved out to live with a friend of mine and her boyfriend. I started seeing another guy while we were "on break" and I slept with the guy. Well I felt guilty and horrible like I was a cheater and this aweful person. I quit talking to the other guy completely and then I started getting anxious constantly and I couldn't stand it anymore. I told my fiance that I was seeing the other and guy and everything and he was upset and called me a bunch of names and left me for like an hour then came back and said he loved me and he can't live without me. So we stayed together and have been working on our relationship. In March I had a total freak out. I was severely depressed, agoraphobic and anxiety ridden. I would not leave my bedroom except to use the restroom and to take care of my son. I couldn't eat. I had to force down food. I would eat about a cup of rice or a half of a peanut butter sandwich per day. I got down to 97lbs. I was in bad shape! I finally got sick of the way I was about 3 weeks later and decided to get up. I didn't want my son seeing me so miserable. I didn't want him to think that was how life is supposed to be. I started cleaning my house and keeping my mind busy. Not thinking about the guilt I was feeling. I went to Borders and bought a book called "From Panic To Power" by Lucinda Bassett and I read it. That book gave me more motivation to feel better. I was able to eat again and play with my son. Then I started seeing my therapist and she told me to read "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne. That was another huge help. I was able to go to the gym and take my son to the park and go shopping without much anxiety. I would still have my down days but they were never anywhere near the way they were before I started reading and doing some housework. Things were finally looking better! i started working and I started school~ i was so proud of myself. Then I started stressing out again. I guess I did too much at the same time and was feeling overwhelmed and anxious again. I quit the job but stayed in school and started feeling better again. In November we decided to move and I got stressed again and decided to try medication. I was so scared to go on meds for the longest time, I wouldnt even take Advil for a headache! Honestly I am so glad I went on meds. I feel like myself again and I havent had anxiety for 2 weeks (since I started the meds). If you are like I was and afraid of meds, take that chance, trust me its worth it. You will get your life back and feel so much better. I went shopping the other day and there was a big sale. The lines were like 30 minute wait and I had no problems at all. Before I would freak out over a 5 minute line. I have more energy now and I'm just at ease. I am able to dismiss the guilt feelings as soon as they come up and any signs of anxiety dissapate immediately. It's actually kind of cool. When I have something bothering me and it causes some anxiety, I feel the 1st sign like sweaty hands or hot flash and I think "oh no" then all the sudden its gone in less than a minute! Ok enough of me rambling on. Good luck to all and I hope you find your way~