ceg741

This is my first post and i feel a little anxious even writing this but here goes.........


I had my first episode of panic about 15 yrs ago. Obviously i was a lot younger and was probably burning the candle at both ends but this was the beginning of this awful change in my life which has hounded me ever since.

was at home,had just finished a course i had been attending ,my son was a yr old at the time. Some friends were over and all seemed ok.They left and i had a normal evening with my son,i remember i was supposed to go pick my mother up from work.I suddenly felt a feeling as if a weight was being dropped into my stomach,very strange and began to feel an odd feeling in my head.I felt my pulse and it was going so fast and hard i thought this is it for me. I basically ended up in hospital with wires all over me.Drs managed to slow heart rate by pressing on my neck. There was nothing wrong with me and they sent me home.

Following this it was as if i couldnt get it out of my head,i monitored my pulse day and night.Had all sorts of symptoms,brought medical books in a hope that i could find a diagnosis,visited Drs on a regular basis,nothing wrong.The thoughts in my head were awful,i was convinced i was dying,i felt paranoid about what i put into my body,who i talked to it was horrible. It was my dear aunt who first said to me she believed i was having panic attacks,i didnt know what they were at the time.....i do now.

I know i have to cut a long story short so.........

I now have 4 beautiful children,my last child weighed 2 pounds at birth and was in hospital fof wks,i convinced myself she was going to die.It was a very hard time for all. Following this i felt completely on edge all the time,i thought i knew how to stop the panic attaks as i have had cbt and counselling,how wrong i was.I began to feel anxious around people,in shops,writing,eating,performing in front of people.I have to go shopping with my fiance and he pays at tills as i start shaking,cant breath and feel everyone is looking at me if i do it so its avoided.I would try to write and my hand would shake which made me so embarrassed thus i think it will happen everytime. Its come to the point now where i sometimes use alchohol to calm my nerves,like when i have meetings at work or i have to go to a social event,this makes me paranoid as the drink makes my heart race.Every twinge,every feeling i have i think its something awful.At the moment its my breathing.I have a feeling as if there is a block in my chest and i cannot get enough air,have had chest xray,nothing wrong,but i have convinced myself.Sometimes feel as if i cannot swallow etc,hyperventilate ,<YOU> all know the vibe,then the symptoms start and i think the worse.

Its like a vicious cycle.I know whats happening but cannot stop it,then the symptoms get so bad i convince myself im dying,it just doesnt stop and im so tired of it all.I could go on and on,which i think i have so am gonna leave it there.Just hope that one day i can get over all of this and live with an optimistic and positive mind.

peace and blessings