OK gal

i am 23 years old. i have a 19 month old son and a husband of almost a year. my story goes like this...
growing up i lived with an alcoholic step dad, who became angry and violent to the extreme. i stayed nervous and most the time affraid to go home. mostly i found myself worried about my mom, she often made threats of ending her life, that left me alone. when i was 17 years old she packed us up and moved us 1,000 miles away from everything we knew, to start over with a new life. though i was thankful and finally felt safe, i also was scared and again felt alone. shortly after moving i had my fisrt severe panic attack, to the point that i couldnt eat,drink nor move. i ended up with a severe eating disorder, and the doctoe put me on zoloft, which i still take. the medication worked for about 2 good years, i later moved back to my home town, and went on with my life. about 2 years ago i was driving home from work late at night, i suddenly had another panic attack, i felt like i was going to die!!!! i was alone and i didnt know what to do, so i just drove til i got home where i then instantly grabbed a beer to chill me out. since that night the attacks have continued quite frequently, i turned to alcohol, til my mother found me half dead from being pass out drunk for 32 days straight, but it was the only way i felt calm. i recieved help, i nolonger drink, but the panic attacks are still as bad as ever, some days i can barely leave my couch. nobody understands how affraid i am everyday, and how lonely i truely feel. i dont feel like im living at all, and my son and husband suffer for it.
i am sorry this is so long, but i really hope someone out there reads this, and lets me know im not in this alone, and that im not crazy
-god is love!