LL09

Alright Well here it goes, I will try to make it as short as possible but it's quite a trip.

So I am a 21 year old male going on 22 and here is the story. I had my first panic attack when I was 18 years old...on the last day of school! I had never felt anything like this before, I was the regular teenager


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<using drugs> partying getting into trouble never had one single problem with anxiety infact didn't even know what it was. So on this day I was sitting in class watching a movie and suddenly my heart started to pound very fast, I got tunnel vision and my whole body went numb, I thought I was having a heart attack. it passed after a couple min and I was so freaked out I left and went home thinking I was going to die. That whole weekend I layed in bed, I was so sick I couldn't go to any graduation parties and my own graduation was a struggle to get through, I think it freaked me out so much I got really sick just feeling like my life was over.

I had an EKG the next week and they said I was fine there was nothing wrong with me. Now at this point I still didn't know what I had and for the next year I thought that it was all a sign that my life was coming to an end and to be ready for it. I started to do a lot of research and came across Anxiety disorder and I had almost every symptom so thats what I came to the conclusion of it being. I have not been to a doctor about it because I haven't had health insurance for a couple years. It could be something very wrong with me health wise but I have a pretty good feeling It's just severe anxiety. but it's all day everyday it never goes away just subsides a little bit.

So heres the thing, I have been living with this for almost 4 years now, I learned to pretty much cope with it I will always tell myself everything is fine and I will feel good for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden even though I know what it is...it will come back and I will think I am going to die or go crazy no matter how much I tell myself its just anxiety I still think well this is it this is the end. This has caused me many physical symptoms such as headaches, pain in my chest and left arm feeling numb....yet I have not had a heart attack in 3 years so im pretty sure it's just a physical symptom.

I also will feel detached from reality like I'm not really there, I will feel like I am going to drop dead in front of everyone, or lose my mind and go to the mental hospital. It is the most horrible and uncomfortable feeling possible. know one I know can relate with me because know one has anything like this. It was okay for a while and then this past august My girlfriend left me after 5 years together, I was a wreck, deppressed everyday didn't care if I was alive or not....I have never been a sad person and this was just tearing me apart I started drinking every night and I was not fun to be around. After December I decided to grow up and start getting my life back together...

I finished my Cd ( I am in the hip/hop industry) put it out and was feeling great, no problems or regrets just feeling good about myself and this went on for 2 months or so. Now in the Past week I have had probably the worst Anxiety I have had in 4 years. I went to vegas for my buddies 21st and was fine there but 2 of the days I thought I was having a heart attack, the sharp pains and numbness came back in my left arm and I thought I was going to drop dread in Cesars palace ( how lame!) and that pretty much ruined the rest of my trip, When I came back I just felt the same, horrible, detached,in pain and feeling like I was going to die and it's still going on right now. I have never been on meds just always got natural stuff from vitamin cottage but really am thinking it is time for it.

I don't understand why I am even feeling like this, I have been happy, I dont talk to my EX girlfriend at all, I even have a new girl in my life who I am hoping to have something with in the future. I follow all the steps to try and get rid of it and this is how I am feeling now. There is a lot more to the story that I left out but it was long enough as it was. So thanks for taking the time to read it.




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