Well I am hoping telling my story will help me and maybe someone else.
I have always been an anxious person. I had a terrible time starting school. I always worried about 'getting in trouble'. I had an irrational fear of the principal. I could never tell anyone about my fears so I just suffered in silence. Sometimes when it was really bad I would start to cry and my parents and teachers would just think I was sick.
When I was around 22 it got really bad. I had irrational thoughts, I would wake up in the middle of the night and write notes like 'something bad is going to happen tonight' in case I passed away. Almost like if I wrote it down it wouldn't happen. I didn't realize it was anxiety at the time. Around 25 it got really bad. I would have major panic attacks and could not take a deep breath for about a year. I felt like I was chocking all the time. Finally I got help. I went on Effexor and took ativan when needed for 2 years and then weaned myself off effexor. I was off it for 8 months and then I got pregnant. Pregnancy and breastfeeding cured my anxiety. It came back full force as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. That brings me to now. I was convinced of a heart condition a few weeks ago. Now I am convinced I have something wrong with my brain. I have 'spells' where I think I am totally losing control and am going to end up in a mental lockdown. I also think I am going crazy, am scared I am going to have a seizure (I have never had one). My arms go numb, my chest hurts, the list goes on and on. I tried to go back on effexor but it made it worse. I get better for a few weeks and then I have a 'spell' and I go right back to where I was. I get depressed because I do not like living like this. I also think I am going to get fired from my job often for very stupid reasons.
That brings me to today. A constant struggle.