My anxiety story
Hello all. I'm 22, and come from Slovenia.
When I was younger, I had some panic attacks, and anxiety, and depression. But that was something everyone goes through. When i had a panic attack, a simple talk had it disappear, same with depression. I had cases of performance anxiety, but that actually kicked me in the butt and got me going. All of it was productive... but not this....
This last month has been pure hell for me.
At the end of this June, my family and me went on a vacation. I thought it would be a good time to kick back and relax. Boy was I wrong.
The first night after we got there - First I couldn't sleep for 1 hour, then 2, then for some reason my mind went blank... I couldn't think... my mind didnt obey. That scared me really bad. Then I had some weird chest pain, gripping, squeezing, and my left arm was getting paralyzed a little and I still couldn't sleep. Reluctantly I woke up my mom, and we went outside and took a little walk. I calmed down a little bit, enough to fall asleep. I thought the pain would be gone by morning, but it wasn't. We went to the emergency room, where they did a few tests (ECG, chest x-ray, basic blood work) and (of course) everything came out OK (except a little low potassium). The pain subsided a little, but didn't fully go away. The next day we went to the beach, I couldn't relax, but it was tolerable. And that evening again, another panic attack, the pain got even stronger. So we had to go home, cause I just couldn't take it.
Also, I was on a beta-blocker because of my tachycardia (105-115 bpm) when it all happened, which is supposed to help dealing with anxiety, or so i've heard. I didn't take it since.
It's been a little over a month since then, and things still look grim. Haven't had any panic attacks per se, but anxiety attacks just keep on coming. All joy, interest and motivation have left me and I've been suffering from derealization (which scares the hell out of me) - Everything seems strange, alien, unfamiliar, I can't relax in my own home. People, places, scenes, even my memories - I don't percieve them as I used to. I imagine the worst possible outcomes to everything. I have this sense of impending doom, while logic tells me I have nothing to be afraid of. And worst of all, I don't see any way out. No hope whatsoever. I've talked about it, wrote a journal about my thoughts, done relaxation techinques (which even further my anxiety) and nothing helped. Right now i try to eat healthy and take a multivitamin and omega3 capsules every day.
Although I'd rather not, I think i might have to start medication again. I'm become afraid when I think: "What if nothing works", cause this is somewhat my last straw, so to speak. I'll need to see my doc to exclude any underlying physical causes of depression\anxiety (I pray that this is the case, cause it is inexplicable for me to feel this way). Before all this I was on Zoloft for a year and then Effexor for another (2010-2012) for my fatigue and memory\concentration problems by my psychiatrist - with no effect. And coming off of Effexor was a nightmare on it's own (that was about 6 months ago, which is how long i've been off any meds). I'm running out of options. I can't go on like this for much longer and I have nothing to hold on to.
Sry if it's too long, had to get it out there and hope someone who's been through something like this and lived to tell the tale sees it and comments.
Last edited by krayzee; 08-10-2012 at 11:44 AM.