Maneka here. Ive been posting and reading for a while and i think its time i share my story. Ive coped with depression since my late teens. Ive come a long way and i am proud that im still here to tell the story.
There is no easy way to explain my experiences, it seems cold and clinical to just list them but i really cant think of any other way, besides writing a book (or ten)!! I was assaulted when i was seventeen. Two years later my best friend killed himself. Four years later my boyfriend died in a drowning accident. Three years ago i packed my bag and leaft yet another boyfriend. Towards the end of our relationship he became jealous, controlling and violent. The less said about him the better.
Today I am working full time, living in a city that i adore and I am in a very loving and supportive relationship for just over a year. In february of this year i started feeling very down, nothing new for me. over the years ive managed one way or another, but this time it lasted for two months with no let up. I finally brI didntoke in two. Its the only way i can describe it. I cared about nothing including myself.
I just didnt want to be alive anymore. I had enough, plain and simple.
My partner is the only reason i got help. I can tell him anything and he never judges or gives unsolicited advice. He knows theres nothing i havnt heard before. His patience and support have been unrelenting but unwilling to rely on that or take him for granted, i asked for help. My G.P. was a young woman a little older than me. I know myself that there isnt a pill for every ill and am very reluctant to take any medications, but i knew i needed whatever help i could get.
I started lexapro and was given the number of a counsellor. The tabs helped but my old pig-stubbornness came through. Two months later i stopped taking them and i havnt rang the counsellor. Im not a martyr and im not tempting fate. Im just determined to do whatever i can to live with this. I write a lot, i meditate, i swim and i eat properly.
(My work) is very rewarding. There are only seven days in the week and i fill them with as much positivity as i can. Some days i have to drag myself from my bed bcos i know if i let myself i will cry myself sick. Its not easy, but if my life has taught me anything its that im a survivor.
Just keep on keeping on!!
Thanx for listening. . . . . . Maneka xx
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