SycamoreLeaf

Well where to begin is always the interesting question, I suppose some background would be useful.

At the age of seven I was sent away to school as my parents thought it would be good for me. I hated it and spent some 5 years in hell. I was bullied for most of the time until I fought back but then I was just ignored.

What hurt the most was the fact that my parents knew I hated it but still they sent me back as they thought it would be character building. (As an aside I do not blame that at all they were trying to do their best). I am 46 now and I can still remember the car journey to and from school in vivid detail to this day.

After that I went to a day school (my choice) but always felt the outsider and grew up that way. Skipping a few years of personal things it is now 1991 and I am married to somebody I met in 1985 and we are having our first child. We went for the 1st scan at 18 weeks and there was something wrong.

The baby had Anencephaly and we had no choice but to go for an instant termination which took over 36 hours to complete. With hindsight this was the final straw which started me on the slippery slope.

Fast forwarding over the next few years which involved many job changes as I didn't have the drive and energy to go for things, family feuds and other stresses I had three bright lights - my kids. They are the only things that kept me from doing something stupid which I did consider every day.

Finally my wife (now my ex) said you have a choice a solicitor or a doctor. I chose the cheaper option, at the time, as was diagnosed as a severe clinical depressive.

Thats how I got to March 2000 and since then I have been living with my illness - see my other posts for the results, treatments etc.

All I can say is it has been a rocky road but I think I am on the way to a better life now and I have more bright lights in my life to help me including my new partner, my family and some friends who have stuck with me through the good the bad and the ugly. I hope that remain I stable and reasonably normal for the rest of my life and I hope you all can get there as well.