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Old 09-19-2007, 05:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2007
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maggie126 HB User
Unhappy long of the short

To make a long story short

Depression runs in family..my grandma is on a cocktail of about 12 different pills and has a very distorted view of reality..my mom has mild depression which I think has gotten more severe over the past few years but I would the pot calling the kettle black so I really do not share my opinion with her..I am the 3rd generation more less.

I knew I was not wired correctly and something was wrong with me from the time I was 12, I will leave out all the unnecessary details, when i was 19 after I called my mom to come pick me up from an ex boyfriends house in a drunken and daze stupor, she gave me 2 choices either her way or the high way..mind you I had been on the high way for almost 9 months and could not handle it anymore..I told my mom I wanted help and thought I needed to check in to a hospital..I checked in to a facility and their the doctors told me I had all the symptoms of bi-polar...I was so excited to finally have the answer to my mind racing followed by the periods of insonmia and why I did not want to deal with reality..The doctor put me on a dose of prozac and lamictal...after 10 days the doctor released me to my parents care and said i was ready to face reality..Little did I know the reality that I had to face was the 15000 dollars of bad checks and traffic incidents I caused myself..I got all of the cleaned up only took 18 months..fast foward to dec of 2004 met my now husband things going good still taking my meds..working 9-5 job most people would have killed for (i was a hazardous materials specialist for UPS)..got engaged..then I decided I am feeling good i do not need to take my meds anymore..got off of my meds met some guy i worked with had an affair..got pregnant..miscarried at about 3 months then my depression hit again..I guess you could say it had already hit i just got over the mania portion of acting a fool and now the down and somber part hit me..I ended up loosing my jobdue to my attendance, I slept all day every day, called in or was late..it took me all I had to work..after i lost my job reality hit hard even more when I realized that the job market is crap and you have to know someone to get a good job..i finally found work and started to take my meds again only becuase my fiancee now husband threatened to leave me..he said he could not help someone who cant help themselves...It has been 2 years since my last major manic episode however I think the medicine has wore off..it now takes me everything I have to work an 8 hour day and when I get home I sleep and then wake up to eat susie swiss cake rolls..I hate my job I have now and am very miserable with everything..today I left work early due my anxiety got so high and I was so irritable..words cannot explain what was going thru my head at that time..I have now come to realization that this is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life but I dont know how..some people are wired to just push thru but I am not one of those if I cant deal with something or someone I go into panic mode or run away...and it is not until after the fact I realized I could have dealt with it..right now i am looking for ways to cope with the fact i have to go back to work tomorrow..it is sad..

 
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