It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Share Your Depression Story Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-30-2007, 11:34 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1
Brian72 HB User
Why can't emotions just have an off switch?

This is kinda hard as sometimes I am just fine, other times I am in total collapse. I have been reading the boards for a little while trying to see if I could pinpoint my problem. I have always been an anxious person, sometimes to the point that it makes me sick or just a shaking mess. Also never had a lot of feelings of self worth. So I never had any close friends and not many girlfriends. Usually feeling like I got what everyone else didn't want as none of the ones I would like would possibly like me. So theres a dose of depression in there too.

Several months ago I met a really great girl and things really went well. I was flying high. She was everything and I really felt like this was the one. The one I really liked and liked me enough to put up with me. So then the anxiety problems started. I would get these terrible scared feelings with no focus. Like if you have to give a speech and you are nervouse you know what you are nervous about. These feelings had nothing attached. Just scared. Only thing I found was to drink (alchohol) until my head shut off. I didn't think that was right so I finally went to my family doctor and tried to explain it. He gave me a light prescription for Xanax (0.25mg, half a pill when I need it) and it has helped that problem immensely. I feel it coming on, take a half pill, problem solved. Just a little dry mouth, small price.

Then in the last few weeks I find my girlfriend wants to see other people. Her old boyfriend has come back into the picture and she is meeting him for a day at the beach. I was upset for the first day but then when the weekend comes and I am alone I go into full collapse. I mean sitting in bed crying and rocking and just coming unhinged. I took several doses of the Xanax (I was already taking much less than the max dosage on the bottle daily, but it was a little more than max this time, not by much). That just made things worse as its designed to slow things down and I was already depressed. So I started drinking and finally fell asleep (more like passed out I guess). The rest of the weekend went about the same.

Now we aren't done as a couple. I still talk to her regularly and I see her view now. I work with her so I can see her whenever I want to. Things might still work out but now they are no longer at the level they were at. I wanted that level of a relationship, she didn't. I have never been very adept socially and I don't want to get back into the dating scene, especially when I still have strong feelings for her. And the breakdown in this relationship just proved to my irrational mind that I am not worth anything. I know deep down that I'm wrong and I am worthy of being loved but getting myself to accept it just isn't happening.

I had one appointment so far with a therapist as I don't intend to feel this way ever again. My next appointment isn't for a week and its too far away for me. I used to be against taking any medications for this in the past but I am ready to do that if it will help. I just don't feel the willpower at the moment to force myself to feel better. Does it make sence to say that once I am depressed its hard to get out because I am liking it there? As much as I hate it I like it? That makes no sense.

So today it is a beautiful day to be outside somewhere but I am sitting in the house drinking everytime I start to feel bad and working my way around the house between the TV, computer, and whatever else I can get into to keep my mind occupied. But anything I do is short lived and I have to move on to something else. Oh this really sucks. And it can't be good for me.

Okay, I know it was long, but it feels a little better to write it out.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-09-2007, 09:54 PM   #2
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 344
shorebird HB User
Re: Why can't emotions just have an off switch?

Brian if you want lasting relief and are willing to put some effort into helping yourself get better try cbt. I was on and off meds and in and out of therapy and tried nearly everything before cbt helped me get better. I am med free and feeling great now. FYI-cbt seems too simplistic to work at first glance but if you work at it the new ways of thinking can change your life.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Why can't I feel a thing!! jnn Depression 7 05-17-2009 12:41 AM
Emotions CAJ0818 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 24 02-21-2009 11:53 AM
I need help showing emotions. Giant_Squid Relationship Health 10 08-05-2008 01:45 AM
ĎJust ignore it!í I canít! xanadu2 Relationship Health 7 06-22-2007 04:46 PM
my story and a question. (can SZ go away?) sophiajmb Schizophrenia 3 04-07-2007 12:48 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Administrator (5), BlueLagoon (1), bleetchblonde (1), Madkeex (1), iAlmostDo (1), stay happy (1), sonyaclaire (1), akbounddix (1), canadiangirl38 (1), thk2 (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1139), MSJayhawk (942), Apollo123 (859), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (773), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:51 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!