Ron Z

I think I am writing just to vent. I am male, 53, and from the outside anyone would trade places with me. However, here is what is happening inside me.


4.5 years ago at age 49 - diagnosed with prostate cancer - surgery, radiation, the whole bit. Cancer free but totally impotent. The miracle pills lower my blood pressure to dangerous lows, VED's hurt, injections suck and do nothing. I have grown away from my wife - my attitude is leave me alone.

29 year old daughter is working in Korea - happy, married a great guy but I miss her - holidays, birthdays, etc just aren's the same.

20 year old son thinks I am a cash machine. He is very morally straight, goes to college, works part time when he wants something, but will do nothing to help me in any way with expenses.

Job cutback - I negotiated a way to stay 1.5 years without damaging what will be a good retirement income but along the way I took a 25 grand per year pay cut - lesser and new job sucks - any high school kid could do it.

Wife loses job - hard worker but failed to keep her mouth shut about an issue and was fired - no replacement job readily available.

The church wants more money - I am viewed as a pillar - asked to be on committee to raise $$$$ for new building - I can't get excited.

Impotence just sucks - try discussing that with the boys in the morning office coffee room.

OK - I don't know that I feel any better.