It started in 2005 - Share Your Depression Story Message Board

TopamaxKillsMe · 10-17-2007, 02:37 PM

My father died, my mom shortly came out to LA to visit me, knocked her head on my shower which caused a hematoma and had to have 2 rounds of neurological surgery. I thought I was going to lose her too. Then I lost my job of five years, shortly after I was forced to switch my seizure meds (to Topamax) because my previous medication just suddenly stopped working. The Topamax made me stupid as can be. I couldn't get another job, I'd space out in job interviews not remembering what I was just asked. Since I had lost my health insurance, I couldn't switch meds (I was getting the Tmax for free). My two best friends from college (in NY) decided that I was no longer worthy of their friendships. I guess they liked me a lot when I was cracking jokes but when I was an emotional mess, they couldn't hack it. My mom who on top of the healing hematoma has multiple Myeloma (cancer) and her condition started deteriorating. I decided to move to Florida to care for her. Things haven't gone quite the way I expected. I can't find work still....not at the level that I was at in Los Angeles pre-2005. I hate Florida, regret moving here in spite of the fact that it was more for my mother than me. I feel guilty for feeling this way.

Sometimes I just want to get in my car and drive back to NYC but I can no longer afford to live there. I'm also in a sea of debt from student loans. They have since doubled since I graduated 12 years ago.

I can't find friends or open up to them....not since the 2 from college bailed on me. I feel broken.

mike54 · 11-25-2007, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TopamaxKillsMe

My father died, my mom shortly came out to LA to visit me, knocked her head on my shower which caused a hematoma and had to have 2 rounds of neurological surgery. I thought I was going to lose her too. Then I lost my job of five years, shortly after I was forced to switch my seizure meds (to Topamax) because my previous medication just suddenly stopped working. The Topamax made me stupid as can be. I couldn't get another job, I'd space out in job interviews not remembering what I was just asked. Since I had lost my health insurance, I couldn't switch meds (I was getting the Tmax for free). My two best friends from college (in NY) decided that I was no longer worthy of their friendships. I guess they liked me a lot when I was cracking jokes but when I was an emotional mess, they couldn't hack it. My mom who on top of the healing hematoma has multiple Myeloma (cancer) and her condition started deteriorating. I decided to move to Florida to care for her. Things haven't gone quite the way I expected. I can't find work still....not at the level that I was at in Los Angeles pre-2005. I hate Florida, regret moving here in spite of the fact that it was more for my mother than me. I feel guilty for feeling this way.

Sometimes I just want to get in my car and drive back to NYC but I can no longer afford to live there. I'm also in a sea of debt from student loans. They have since doubled since I graduated 12 years ago.

I can't find friends or open up to them....not since the 2 from college bailed on me. I feel broken.

I have found myself feeling hopeless, also. I moved to East Texas to take a job my wife wanted me to get. That job is long gone, and my wife and childrem have divorced me. My health is bad, and I just got demoted. I quit a good job. because my wife wanted us to move. Now I have no one with the future uncertain. My work conditions are low paid, and inhumane to begin with. I don't know how much more I can take. I can just say. You're not alone. I wish I could say or do more.