I have suffered from deppression for 3 1/2 years, ever since I stopped breast feeding my youngest, she is now 4. I have had bouts of paranoia too. I'm currently taking paroxitine and risperdal. Both medications have done a world of good for me. When I was at my lowest low I'm surprised my husband had faith in me to look after our kids because looking back now it seems I was borderline capable of looking after them. I thank God we got through the worst of times. The doctor didn't diagnose me with anything in particular he just treated the symptoms but I would say I have post partem deppression and unreasonable thoughts. I am perfectly normal whle on my meds however I do suffer from a lack of motivation. I'm a stay at home mom of three and sometimes I wish I had a job or something to occupy my time while the kids are in school. Although my youngest only goes every other day. I have hobbies that I do every so often. My husband is very loving and supportive and I'm grateful that I found such a loving man. I have gained 70 lbs since on Risperdal, 100lbs in the last 7 years. I haven't the drive to put myself to the focus of losing it. At some point i will have to because it has gotten way out of control already. I can't seem to stop gaining. I have cut back my intake of Risperdal over the past month to half of what I was taking at full dose. I haven't noticed a difference as of yet. I'm hoping that I will remain normal and be able to lose some weight and that my prolactin levels return to normal and possibly start having a period again although I haven't missed the mood swings that seem to go along with it. Mental health problems are part of my family history as both my grandfathers suffered from them. It was devestating at 28 years old after living a pretty normal life to all of a sudden having to deal with such a horrible illness. It was hard to accept at first but now that I have accepted it everything seems fine. I now only suffer from occassional boredom. lol The one thing that has been negative about the meds is my libito is now extemely low where as before my husband and I had a very satisfying sexual relationship. I can't help thinking this is unfair to him, however he is quite understanding about it all. I know it hurts him though. When I first started going through the deppression it was like I was looking through a camera at things. I was removed from reality and had thoughts that were absolutly rediculous. At one point my husband had me look into my daughter's eyes while laying on the floor. She was just a baby and this brought me back to reality and helped me connect with what was most important, my family. She said mama for the first time that day. I'm so lucky that my husband stuck with me through hell and back. We could have easily split, I know there was times he wanted to leave. There were times I was scared of him, just the look in his eyes as it was hard on him too. I went to a pay phone at one point and called my mom and she came to get me. I only stayed at her place overnight and returned home the next day.
We should all be thankful for the treatment and medications that are available today because without it they could just lock us up and deem us crazy. At least that's what I think used to happen in the old days.
I am glad for you. I think there is alot of potential for you to overcome the need for the drugs. Don't stop taking them. Just get to where you don't need them and the doctor can perscribe milder medications until you can stop.
I see a lot of problems going undiagnosed, and untreated. I am bipolar. My X was a paranoid delusional. If one of use could have got treatment, we would still be a family. Now, I have lost everything, and having trouble dealing with living.