musicsmuse26

I'm a 25 year old who's been struggling with depression for about 9 years now. Started when i was 16, progressively got worse through high school and early in college. I thought all along that i could do it on my own, that it would pass, that i wasnt "sick".

no one truly knows how debilitating depression really is until youve gone through it. years later i find myself always "a semester away from graduating college", thousands in debt, rejected a great man that wanted to marry me because i was afraid he would grow to hate me.

ive realized how little love im surrounded with over the past few weeks. grant it i still live with my parents, surrounded by younger kids, so it might seem like it's a great family structure. but underneath it all ive come to realize that my mother resents me and treats me differently than the other kids, my father has stood to the side all the years that my mother has mistreated and never bothered to step in, and ive been in a relationship with a guy for almost 6 years now who lies to me, who i dont feel a connection with, who's addicted sexually and has a constant marijuana habit.

im starting to come to the realization that love has to come from inside you. ive been poisoning myself mentally, emotionally, and physically because of how much i hate myself. other people might fail to love you but the biggest let down is to stop loving yourself. you have to embrace yourself for what you are and realize your worth, whether it's the worth of getting a healthy happy relationship, to treating your body right. most of all, it's realizing your worth to live. to deny yourself of the latter worth is the biggest act of hate one can do to his/herself.