Slipping back into the darkness.
Hey all, this is my story. Hopefully getting it all out will make me feel better.
It all started in grade 11 or 12 I don't even remember now (I'm in 2nd year university now). It all started with a girl. I liked her a lot, A LOT. Never asked her out. Just couldnt get myself to do it. Felt I wasn't worth it.
The feelings of worthlessness turned in. Started with cutting myself. Noone noticed the cuts, I made sure of it. The cuts grew and grew, at Easter of 2006 I tried killing myself. Weapon of choice: Caffeine pills. Didn't work out so well, I called the cops. From there on in it stopped.
I got myself my 1st girlfriend the summer of 2006. Things were good, until October. We broke up, during the break-up I did feel bad, I did cut myself, but only once.
I met someone else January of 2007. She was sort of a 'fallout' for me. I couldn't completely get over my ex..... so I guess I replaced her. (Mistake 1)
This 'fallout' relationship lasted until the first week of December 2007. I broke up with her. I stopped loving her, she put in so much more effort than me into the relationship. I stopped caring for her. I broke up with her.
Side note: I am seeing someone else now. This is not a fallout from my ex. Doesn't feel like one.
Up until today I've been dealing well with the breakup. She came by and gave my stuff that I had left at her house. Gave them to me and left.
I feel like a chapter has ended in my life. At the begining I didn't feel bad at all, but its been about 3 hours since I've seen her and within that time I already have two cuts on me. (Mistake 2)
And thats where I am at right now.
I am making an appointment with a psychologist from my university tomorrow. That is for sure. I'll take things from there. It won't be an easy way to recovery, and I'll always know that the darkness is just a shoulder look away.