It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Share Your Depression Story Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-13-2008, 11:08 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Claremont, NH, USA
Posts: 1
Crinic001 HB User
Lost and alone since the age of 5.

Hi everyone-

Guess this is a good place to make my first post. I'll try to keep this short (like that's gonna happen).

Since the age of five, much before that I didn't have memory of being an individual, I have believed and felt that I didn't belong in this world.

I was born two months premature, was terribly sick, phneomia (spelling) x2, and diagnosed diabetic at 18 months (blood glucose over 1k). From this point on, I was considered short, pretty weak and lacking in coordination and was the kid in school that the "cool" crowd loved to harrass. (god! sounds like a soap opera).

I hated myself, felt always on the outside of anything, always looked at the world from a negative, feared angle and daily, all day off and on, wished I didn't exist and later as an adult, wanted to die.

3 suicide attempts- one was serious. The other two attempts, I checked into an emergency rehap (7 day), and wound up having to leave after 3 days because of family (parents and siblings) pressure not to take care of my two young kids, and finances.

I went into d/a treatment program (30 days), discovered 10 years later I wasn't a druggy or alcoholic. Have been clean and sober for 19 years now= my family all in recovery from alcoholism so I don't dare see if there is an addiction line for me... Entered a longterm outpatient intensive care mental health program (DBT) and had been in that for 9 years. Left for a year and lost everything I had gained, am critical, judgemental, depressed, non-caring blah blah.. and have now reentered the same program.

I discovered I need the structure, the walls of a physical/mental accountablility of a group/individual therapy or I wind up falling apart in a short period.

My goal? To lose the overriding FEAR (terror to me) of daily life, secondarily deal with the idea I don't belong in this life, and then perhaps- learn to live and enjoy who, and what I am.

Guess that's kinda a short story for me....
__________________
Love and hugs,
Leaflost Hellstorm
"Hug someone today and bring a little peace to this troubled world."

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-17-2008, 03:24 AM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 20
sisue HB User
Re: Lost and alone since the age of 5.

Hi Crinic: Thanks for your story. I feel the same about being in some kind of group. *edited*

Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 03-17-2008 at 08:28 AM. Reason: offer support not advice - refer to specif board posting guidelines

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost... Daughterlost Grief & Loss 8 10-11-2011 06:52 AM
am i a lost cause? please help. mochi* Relationship Health 22 06-02-2010 11:58 AM
My Parents are Lost jojo1109 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 119 12-29-2009 01:32 PM
I lost my baby ='( RyansMom21809 Grief & Loss 8 05-08-2009 01:33 PM
Lost Husband on May 26, 2008 Peggy11 Grief & Loss 12 11-20-2008 03:01 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Administrator (1), BlueLagoon (1), bleetchblonde (1), Madkeex (1), iAlmostDo (1), stay happy (1), sonyaclaire (1), akbounddix (1), canadiangirl38 (1), thk2 (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1162), MSJayhawk (991), Apollo123 (890), Titchou (826), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (757), ladybud (742), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:05 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!