I think this might be insanely history. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 5 years ago, and even though I had about three years of therapy, I never feel like I received any constructive advice or help, and the meds they put me on (zoloft, effexor, prozac) did anything for me. So I stopped seeing the therapist and have basically learned to be fake to deal with things.
I started hanging out with a bunch of fake people in college, and busied myself with going to clubs, bars, hooking up... I grasped onto anything that would make me feel better about myself.
Now.. this is my first year in grad school and I'm finding my school work/ life completely overwhelming. It's manifested into a social anxiety and I'm basically alone in my misery right now. Most of my friends know that I fall into these depressed modes where I just complain and can't function well, so they're basically ignoring me at this point.
I started seeing a therapist again, and she wants to start CBT with me. I want to get better, but I feel like it's just not possible.. I've just failed my first exam in my grad school and I just have completely lost my drive to do anything. I'm just sleeping all the day and feel completely miserable and alone.