Im crying right now, and you wanna know why im crying? Because im popular, that would be most girls dreams yeah? Well my freinds, i guess i can call them that, they obiously look at me as a thing, not even a human, a thing that they can just make fun of and get people to laugh at them for it. They probably dont realise, i dont really show my emotions much, but its getting me really down, tbh i was gunna die today but i didnt cause i was thinking of my family. I was going to make it look like an accident but i couldnt stand leaving my family in that state. You know what, two weeks ago id never tasted vodka in my life, now im used to it. All this has been going on for a year, this time last year it was really bad, then it got better, now its worse again. I cant talk to anyone, they wont understand, theyll try to move me to differant schools, but if i go to a differant school, theyll still see me round town and people will ask questions, and i cant handel that. And i cant stay inside forever. Ive never really been a confident person, i guess thats why they do it- because im an easy target. Somehow i cant help thinking all this isnt the only reason for why im feeling like this, something else is making me feel like this and i have no idea what. If anyone starts saying make new freinds and move on that will be a compleate waste of time because in my school it doesnt work like that. If youve ever seen ‘mean girls’ where gretchen would rarther be popular and hating life that not popular at all, thats how i feel, because if i ditch my ‘freinds’ then they’ll make my life much worse. I have no idea what to do. If nothing comes up to make me feel any better by the end of tomoro then im going to end it. I know that most people wont understand what im going through and think that its pathetic. Maybe it is but it doesnt feel that way.