Tired of Crying
I have had a severe chronic depression since I was in my early teens. Sometimes it would leave for a while, but it always came back worse than ever. I have been taking antidepressants since they were invented.
I am now semi-retired and the depression is so bad I can't control it. It is getting worse by the day. I always feel like it is my fault I am like this, even though I know I'm not. I feel guilty all the time. I can barely leave the house. I have seen a phychiatrist practically all my life to prescribe medications.
I am now taking three different antidepressants, and every time I tell my doctor my depression is getting worse, he adds on another pill. I know I will have to take medication all my life, but nothing is working. I take Paxil, Buprophin, and Doxipin. Plus Lorrazapan for panic attacks. The panic attacks are getting so bad that I am just a mess. I am so unhappy and I have no reason to be. My husband is fine. I have 4 sons, 10 grandchildren that are doing wonderful. They all live close to me. I am ashamed to say that when they come to visit I lock the doors and pretend I am not home. I am so scared that I am going to spend the remaining years I have so sick and depressed that I can't live anything like a normal life. I don't want to be happy, I just want to feel like other people do. I am so filled with fear, guilt and horrible, debilitating depression, I just don't know what to do.
As I write this, tears are just rolling down my face. I need help so badly, and I just don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. Judy T[/B][/B]