Mr D

Ok well were do you start I have always struggled with mood swings and tempers panic attacks etc as a child I was epileptic and have gone to my gp`s for years and have seen a few councillors and recently a psychiatrist all seem to feel im ok recently 2007 I made a huge mistake leaving my family now after 2 years im back and trying to get over it and my actions ive been so depressed and unable to function mainly money problems I have been going to doctors for 20 months and it is only now that I have been prescribed tablets when my family friends and treads on here seem to have received them on first on second visit to gp im guessing I cover up my symptoms so y am I taking them now when clearly im on the mend and getting better the answer is I still lose my temper and find motivation difficult and want to see if any thing changes as i really feel i need a lift im not condoning drinking but a half of cider really lifts my mood and i become my normal self laughing and bubbly this happens few times as im scared or becoming needing of alcohol and seen and tried to help so many people with addiction.
at this point any one reading this im simply typing as it appears in my head not planed or in any order.#

i have had my prescription for weeks months but after reading details on internet and my partners suicide attempt on the same tablets but im hoping my gp knows what they are doing in recommending them to me.
ok so now a little about my moods treatment and how i have dealt with it and felt and then daily updates to see if my mood does improve.

Jan 2007 feel have to leave family in doing so end up on a 5 month party
September o7 comes to a blunt end im well shocked
Jan 08 get back with family and realise what i have done
Jan 08 to may 08 watch TV feel sorry my self
may 08 find new home do up little with limited funds feel optimistic plan so many things to do for family get excited

but then difficulties set in my relationship as we get closer again we get more distance and my time away divides up more.

were did 2008 go i don’t know
2009 yes this year im going to get my life sorted so i think plenty or help from assessment concealing or so i think but then when i score my highs score on the new depression assessment my treatment i terminated i was very angry and feel rejected and to be fair felt like divorcing from gp and in general health service then i had 2 weeks were felt better so thought maybe they did me a favour then im back worse than ever.

my symptoms are doing things that take me to a place i feel chilled or diverted from problems responsibilities but these things i do case my mind to be damaged my conscience to and in some respect my attitude to the people ho care about me but ho i don’t care for as much as i should.

there are things that i feel are so massive a hill to climb that i put them off only this week i did something because had to and it took 30 min yes 30 min but have struggled by not doing it for months and not only me my family has to but in righting this part of my brain says look you can make a difference bout the other says sit her watch TV its easier.

i suppose i should say how i feel in case any of the symptoms of taking the tables accrue
i have a cold and have been sleeping a lot as its a easy way to get though day not necessarily choosing to sleep but feeling tired and struggling to keep my eyes open.

i have suffered headaches which is unusual for me could be early signs of my cold.


i took first tablet at 10 today 26 June 2009

today is 29th June 9.58am am just about to take my 4thg tablet so how have things been so far
First day I have to say be it psychological or the tablets working so quick but found my self feeling well happy and felt as if was smiling day two not so good had a few moans and felt different but then my misses was on the war path one thing though were if she said something I didn’t agree with I would yell and shout were I just relatively better smiled and walked away so still some improvement sat 28th a ok day I suppose again my misses in funny mood but when we argue I would normally feel like banging my head against the wall were from what I remember I just said im not going ton argue and let you up set me and walked away I haven’t felt like doing any chores but have got up still slept quite a bit but then Sunday morning my misses said the saying I have come to dread over the years (( I want a word with you)) later I said im not waiting tell me now (( well it was to say are relation ship is a farse and she doesn’t live me any more )) heard it so many times before but we always seem to get over it but again it did not effect me so bad as I thought it would so how do I feel to day not like doing any thing watching TV till my family get home unable to think about any problems and hoping relationship not ended as all have left ((deprecation is main cause for misses wanting out cant say I blame her ))

SO WHY DID MY DOCTORS LEAVE IT SO LONG IVE BEEN GOING FOR OVER 18 MONTHS SAYING IM SCARED IM GOING TO LOSE MY FAMILY AND MY BUSNESSES TO WELL THE BUISNESS HAS LONG GONE I CONTINUED TO GO AND SAY I WILL LOSE MY FAMILY BUT AFTER 6 MONTHS OF COUNCALING AND MY DARKEST WEEK YET I GET DROPTED AND LEFT ALONE (( WHY DID YOU NOT GIVE ME TABLETS A YEAR AGO DOCTORS))