I've suffered depression since I was 13 when my parents split up. It was a nasty break, my mum was cheating on my dad. I trusted my mum most in the world and it felt like she'd lied to me, betrayed me. I fell apart inside but kept up appearances outside. I'd cry most nights on my own.
My depression led me onto do drugs alot, which actually caused me psychosis (which I also kept hidden until I was 18). I stopped
after a few months knowing something wasn't right. It didn't solve the depression, nothing ever does.
I got involved with this guy who used me for my body. it was a very traumatic experience and I find it hard to trust people with my body even now.
When I turned 17 I turned to alcohol when I started going out with my first boyfriend who was also depressed. By the time I was 18 I was an alcoholic. By the time it started making me even more depressed than I was before it was too late.
I got involved with this guy who was also an alcoholic and fell homeless. I fell in love with him. He saved my life the first time I tried to commit suicide. Shortly after that I ended up in a psychiatric unit for a month until the tablets they put me on for the depression and serious psychosis I had given myself kicked in. I stayed off alcohol for a bit but I didn't truly want to give up and I started drinking again.
A year after just before I turned 20 I suffered another relapse thinking my dad was kicking me out of home. I was suicidal. I ended up in the psychiatric unit sectioned, I fought it and got out and started doing drugs and alcohol
with thsi guy I met in there. In less than a week I was sectioned again. This time they switched my meds and I got better.
I moved into MIND shared accomodation, where I'm living now, I stayed clean for a couple of months then went back on the alcohol. Back to chasing the buzz. Finally in March I got sick of it. I stopped. I haven't drank for 4 months.
I almost had a relapse this week thinking no one loved me
but it got sorted out.
The problem with me is, I can't let anything go. I try and try but it won't get out of my head and my chest. No matter what I do when I think of an event that might have happened 3 years ago it still hurts. I don't know what to do because I don't want it affecting my future. I don't want people to upset me
I'm not asking for help because even the professionals have a problem with me. All I want you to learn from my story is that you can get out of depression but it's hard work. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you have to make decisions that are hard, do things that are hard to make yourself better. Like getting out the house a couple of times a week. Keeping in touch with friends and family. Stopping alcohol was very hard for me, I won't even be able to even have a social drink because I know as soon as I have one I won't stop.
Just hang in there and you'll feel better