First of all, let me start off saying that I'm new to this forum and I hope I'm doing this right... I really want to seek help and I hope that the people here will be able to provide it.
I'm am a teen ~ My father died when I was 3 and was replace only a few months later by my current step-dad. My step father and I can never get along, and fighting goes on a day to day basis. I'm always judged and yelled at by him. I seek out my room as a form of escape and find myself running there whenever I hear the front door open. Although, I am yelled at for this as well I can't bring myself to leave my room unless I need to. I feel like I am being dragged into darkness all the time, I have sought to run away from it though friends. But I have developed trust issues due to my "friends." There were two people in particular that I would die for that have scarred me emotionally. One was my ex boyfriend of a year and a half... we broke up about 4 months ago(He left me for another girl). The other, my "best friend" who I KNOW talks about me behind my back to my ex and to other people(I had a love triangle with her in the past). There is only one person who I fully trust that hasn't betrayed me yet but I have a constant paranoia that he is one day... My family also has a drug and alcohol issue as well, even though I have never been drunk nor high I sometimes feel the pressure to drink to get the issues off my chest. Sadly, I have contemplated suicide as well. I'm beginning to lack in school as well, I'm actually smart but I'm losing the will to apply myself. I feel like I keep sinking deeper and deeper and I don't know how to fight it. I always feel like I'm losing the battle...
That is my story and right now I am searching for a form of happiness that I know will never leave nor die. I have made a promise to myself and I plan to fulfill it one day.
Everything you are feeling is natural. You have learned a lot in your life so far. Its important you keep learning. Guys do let you down, no matter what age. Girls in secondary school are the bitchiest and you learn to play the game or end up feeling like a victim. The secret to this is to know that every single girl is insecure about something. There are NO exceptions to this. Keep your eyes open, there are plenty of people to be friends with. Don't cling to anyone, that's a surefire way of making them run a mile. Be self sufficient, the fact that you're on here says that you are already. Life is always changing, nothing stays the same. You will see this as a good thing eventually. Try to be nice to your parents. They weren't born old and the same action always gets the same results. If things don't improve, find other role models. You will get through this. I did. In a few years you will be independent and can do anything you put your mind to. Do not give up. Every single day do one thing that you can be proud of. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. That is the key to self worth. People will let you down - FACT. But, you will meet some brilliant people too, who will always be there - FACT. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and others and let your guard down a little, how else can the light get in?
Lots of love
Your online buddy
XXX(Now that's better than a kick in the head isn't it?)
I just wanted to reply to your message because I am now 31 years old and I have been dealing with depression since I was 14 years old. I remember when it hit me and I spent my entire teenage life pretending to be happy when I wasn't because I felt like my friends didn't want to hear about my problems. It's really hard when you feel like there is no one you can trust. I even went to a counsellor at school one day and they didn't take me seriously....I knew I was depressed and needed help and they didn't really believe me and seemed to talk down to me. I just want to tell you that you probably need to find someone you can talk to. Maybe even a teacher or someone that can listen to you. I think a lot of depression is holding your emotions inside because you are afraid to trust people. You really need to find someone you can trust....even if it is a community therapist. I am telling you this because I held it all inside for soooo long and it will change you and the way you think and feel about yourself. It is not going to get easier it will only get harder for you unless you do something about it now....trust me. I don't know if what I have just said will help you at all but i just wanted to say something because all I really wanted when I was a teen was for someone to ask me what was wrong so I could talk about everything. No one ever did. Don't wait to be found.......take care of yourself. If it seems like no one is looking out for you don't worry about it, it is not a reflection of who you are. I really wish you the best and hope you are able to overcome your depression.