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Old 04-05-2010, 08:29 AM   #1
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Unhappy so much to say with such little time

: Hello to whomever decides to read this. First of all , I am an african american 34 year old depressed female. I dont even know where to begin with my life long painful story but I will give it a shot. I think my depression started at the tender age of 8. My siblings and I were playing outside and found birth certificates with none of our names on them in the trash. We took them to our older siblings, only to find out we were adopted, and our names were changed. I along with my little sister and little brother. We are biological siblings. My adopted mom adopted 10 kids in all. I have been through molestation, being molested by the hands of older brothers and someone who I was close to but do not care to mention. I was always called fat and ugly. My parents once told us they could of adopted some light skinned kids with hair down to their back, but instead adopted us.:ma I still have problems with even going in front of people because being called ugly all your natural born life, theres nothing else to believe. I often cry everynight and look to alcohol drowning myself in my own sorrow. We searched for anyone on our biological side of the family only to find nothing no trace of our moms, nothing. I was placed in a facility at the age of 16 because my mom had people spying on us and I was caught telling a cousin how we were treated. We often went to bed hungry, and I woke up being sexually abused and couldnt take it anymore. So I was sent to Richard Young. A crazy house. From there I became a ward of the state scarred of how my brothers and sisters were being treated. I was then sent to Boystown where I met the love of my life only I couldnt tell him I was a virgin, even though I would have been. I then graduated at 18, still trying to find any biological family. Now to make a long story short, I moved on, never giving up hopehad 3 beautiful babies, but still suffering from depression. I just dont like myself, often thought of sucide but just couldnt. Now there is a big up to this story, that made and broke us down completely This is 2010, and in september of 2009, I was 33, and got a call from my little brother crying stating he had found our long lost family we have searched so hard for. Only to find out our mother died 15 yrs. prior. So we will never ever get to hug ask question or even know why. He had also informed me that we have 2 more sisters and another brother.mad: since knowing this we have met one of our sisters and a cousin. have spoken finnally to our pops, a few aunties and uncles. We are going to meet a fewmore family members here in san antonio at the end of april. so so so excited, but still hurting for the loss of our mother. I feel I have sunk deep into depression and dont know how the hell im going to ever dig my way out of this mess. I just want to live a normal healthy fearless life and cant.I believe im too far gone. I hate being fat black and ugly and it hurts. People often refer to us as the Antwoine Fisher and precious stories.
Thanks for your time Sincerely the unknown Harris'

 
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