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Old 02-25-2011, 08:52 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 14
bl0ndie2 HB User
Hi

I'm new lol obviously ...

I actually had googled 'Prednisone and Alcohol' because my friend and I were discussing last weekend how both of our mothers had been big drinkers and were on prednisone. I was wondering if this was common ... so yeah, I found this great forum which is awesome for me ! You see I'm a mess ! LOL seriously, I really couldnt think of anywhere else to share my life as it is usually looked at as over the top or unreal in someway, or like many other ppl with mental health issues, I was afraid of being frowned upon or judged.

So I already have told you a bit about what kind of upbringing I had. My mother was split personality, moody, lazy, manipulative, violent. I was adopted by her and her husband at the age of 3 after being at a couple of foster homes.

They already had a biological son who was much older than me.

I never bonded with him and I was always just a pain for him to be around. he was an intellectual kind of person, always reading, never socialised.

So I really was brought up in an isolated and lonely existence. To the outside world it looked like I had it all. Everyone loved my Mum. They never saw the other side of her. She was very good at that.

I also suffered from attachment issues. And I spent alot of time on my own growing up which led me to become quite the loner very early.

My folks had v high standards for me, I was enrolled in piano, gym and swimming. The swimming was something my mum really enjoyed as it enabled her to mingle and eventually she became an official time-keeper for the champs.

The thing is with swimming competitively though was that training hours on end every week day is another extremely introverted / lonely way to spend your childhood. There is nothing but you and your mind.

Right up until I was 14 or so I had no choice but to be 'swimmer'. After breaking my collarbone when I was 10 ( and again not long after it had semi-healed at school ) my swimming became more and more difficult.

I had failed another thing. Bloody Hell.

I had developed tendenitus in my shoulder and it pulled my spine out of place. This, as well as my already undiagnosed and obviously 'stupid' depression / acting out was the beginning of getting Fibromaylgia.

I didnt know I had Fibro of course, I only found out by chance a few years ago by stumbling upon a book about it.

But I definately knew i had depression as i remember spending entire weekends in my room crying non-stop. My mum would have rages at me. Once I took a strip of Paracetamol in desperation, but I got into huge trouble for it. I was around 11 or 12 at the time...

Dad was absent both emotionally and physically, same with my brother. They would make sure to walk around naked though in the weekend mornings.

I was my mums handbag on the outside world, and her slave at home. My brother did 2 things. Night time washing of dishes, and mowed lawns once a month.

I however did all the housework, prepped dinner, ironed, dried dishes at night and did all the morning ones, I served her during the weekend from breakfast Saturday through to Brandy and Soda in the afternoon Sunday. And during the week when she got home from teaching and being 'fabulous' I would serve her drinks as soon as she got onto the couch.

Wine and beer was acceptable to have durng dinner time for me even as a pre-schooler, but as soon as I became a teen and derailed, I was labelled as complete write-off.

Ok I've said enough for now. If you read this and can understand, then hopefully it helps to know you are not unusual... and I appreciate the chance to write down these things as it is v thereputic for me to do so.

Thanks again.

 
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