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Old 09-30-2011, 01:31 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Malaysia
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Nelia Ann HB User
Unhappy Feeling Depressed...

Well, i have been feeling depressed ever since i was twelve years old i think. That's the time when i have to cope with new school, new environment, new surroundings and well it's been a rough journey especially without my family support. I feel like my parents don't understand me... feel like no one does. When i'm forced to live through situations like that, i feel insecure and very lonely. I feel like i'm falling into nothingness, like i'm drowning. One minute i feel happy then suddenly the next it's like i'm falling down the stairs. I tend to feel extremely depressed when someone close to me are not near to me. I know it sound irrational and... but i couldn't help but feel like everyone close to me are leaving me. It's like, i want to move on but the sadness, that weak self-loathing feeling just move along too. When i feel depressed, i tend to be suicidal. I tried to cut my wrist, punch wall anything i can do to avoid feeling hurt *inside*. My heart feel like it's breaking apart. I tried not to do anything that physically hurt me... but i can't escape feeling hurt and sad. I tried to think of happy stuff, imagine myself in vacation but nothing works. I'm having hard time to sleep, even if i lay on my bed, closing my eyes to sleep it just wouldn't happen. Instead of falling into slumber, tears come out, and my heart ache with loneliness, and i feel so trapped. I want to escape feeling this way but it won't go away. I'm feeling anhedonic too, i feel nothing when i do stuff that i usually like, like watching the sunset and swimming... instead i feel like crying and drowning.

 
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