caught between everything .. I'm losing it
As each day goes by? I feel like I am losing it bit by bit. I always thought I could battle the world? But this moment? I find myself crying at the most random hours,drinking away my salty tears as if it were water and nobody seems to understand the depths that I am in. I've found myself popping sleeping pills hoping I could just sleep away my problems because waking up the next day just meant more work. I grew up without encouragement's and always were told I was low life trash just like my father. The whom who is my mother? Wouldn't have the nerve to leave the man but tends to take out her frustration and pity upon herself , out on all her children. Expectantly, me because I remind her more of him then any of her other children. Between always being sick and over indulging on food trying to ease the pain? Year's later I ended up getting into drinking and drugs. I stopped for the longest time thinking maybe it's time to go get some schooling because my grades weren't so great in highlights ( upgrading is my only hope )? Stupidly, at that time I was introduced to the biggest mistake of my life. My own version of my father except millions of miles away. I feel for empty promises in hoping a total stranger could love me for who I am. Praying to the god's that this was the end of my life of despair and emotional abuse by my own parents. But did I know? He was abusive just like my old man. Plus, he had 2 different children at the time by 2 different women and 1 woman prego at the time. After enduring 36 bruises from that loser? I ran for it bare foot never looked back. Years later thinking to myself if I stay single I'd have no drama? Sigh* once again I was wrong! Because of me not being able to find a proper paying job? I'm still stuck in my parents house. I have to listen to my drunk of a father drink and swear all day. My mother going off about how great she was in her younger days how she could of done better then my father? Every second of the day she'd tell me that I'm worthless, handicap, not good enough for anyone. If any guy could like me? His family wouldn't accept me because I'm nothing. Being called ; fat stupid and ugly all the time. She says I have no right to be depressed. Listening to them yell all the time they say I have no right to be depressed! Always having to go do their errands and have no life they say I have no rights to be depressed. At this moment ; I don't know if I'm crazy or just simply depressed.
Last edited by Administrator; 12-07-2011 at 03:14 AM.