Where My Road has Lead. . .
My name is Heather. I teach 4th grade Reading at a public school. I have battled depression all my life. It started with my dad who was abusive to my whole family. He molested me when I was 13 and I've not ever really gotten over it. I have forgiven him but can't forget it. I made a life for myself by going to college and getting a two degrees. It took me until my 30's to become a teacher but it is a very rewarding job. I can forget everything else when I'm teaching. Everything. Shortly before I started teaching I met, fell in love and married a man with 4 kids. The youngest lived with a mother who was abusive and did things she shouldn't do. He and I fought for him to get custody and he won full custody of her. Unfortunately, during that time I had to research her "job" which was prostitution. I had to go to sites that I don't even want to think about. I learned things I never wanted to know about. My past with my dad I pushed aside (he died in 1999) in order to make sure my husband won custody.
After the custody battle, things slammed me again. I mean slammed me. My depression I've been able to control with exercise and a healthy diet as well as a strong faith in God. During this, all of those were absent. I let things slide in the stress that was going on. I let myself go too and gained weight and gave up on God. I felt myself sliding and asked my husband to help me. He told me he had no time for a wife and couldn't. I slid further even though I tried to fix it with zoloft but it made me even bigger and I had to quit it. I tried Effexor next and it seemed to help but still couldn't lose the weight and was having other issues. I went off of that too. Things have gotten out of control with me yelling at two of the stepkids a lot. I don't like who I've become and I'm trying so hard to fix it now. I feel like I've destroyed my life again. I feel like I've lost my husband and the kids. No one wants to forgive me. I don't know what to do.
I'm thinking of going back on the effexor and making myself stop eating and keep running to keep the weight off!!
That is not all of the story of course. It's too long to post it all.