Need to Get This Out
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for most of my life. It's not constant; I've had plenty of positive times in my life, and still have plenty of happy moments. However, even though these happy moments keep me going, there are bigger issues that consume my thoughts.
Often it's what I call a "grey" feeling, these days when I feel empty, not particularly happy or sad, but almost emotionless. This can be caused by drinking, the weather, or being indoors too much, but sometimes I can't figure out what causes it. Other times, when stress and anxiety are high, the feeling is much darker.
The depression and anxiety often go together. For example, I have stayed in some relationships longer than I should have, mainly because I couldn't stand the thought of hurting someone else. So I would be unhappy in the relationship, but anxious about confronting it.
I'm at a point right now where I feel very hopeless. I don't want to give up on life; like most people dealing with this, I want to see things get better. Having people who care about me, and having things to look forward to, helps me get through. I'm just struggling to escape the sources of negativity in my life and feel happy.