Uh. Hi. I'm just a random human being you'll probably never have the chance to really speak to in real life. But I really want people to know who I am, and I want people to know my story.
Back in 6th grade, I was a loud girl. I loved to talk and smile. I loved people. I liked being weird and being myself. I liked art. I had friends. But I just don't know what happened. They all randomly turned against me, leaving me alone. My mom told me to get through the year, and we'd try somewhere else.
I went to a new school in 7th grade. Everyone was extremely nice at first. Until I stole someones pencil lead because I needed some. Everybody called me a thief. Everyone made fun of me. A guy I really didn't like made fun of me, and told everyone I asked him to go out with me over facebook 6 times. When I didn't I told them I didn't say that, and he called me an "Ugly, lying, fat sack of ****" I sat at the table in tears, I couldn't stop crying.. No matter what I did the tears rolled down my face. I was friendless, so I quit going to school. I had missed 20 days of school in one month. I tried to kill myself, and I failed. I went back to my old school, and I was good for a while. But a letter went out that they had found a bed bug in the school. And everyone thought I had brought it in. People made fun of me, they'd yell "*****! Bed bugs, bed bugs!" at me. I skipped class and sat in the locker room. I met a friend who had went through the same thing earlier in the year. We became friends. I did leave school again and started to do online school for the rest of the year.
Over the summer, the girl and I had smoked a lot of pot together. We talked about our problems, and our passed abuses. She was a good person to talk to, but a horrible influence. We smoked bongs and bowls together all summer, I was just trying to forget. But it still didn't work. I had a boyfriend, but he'd force me to do things. He was also verbally abusive, and I was extremely anorexic during that time. He said if I got fat he would dump me, and I was terrified of that. I also started cutting over it.
For 8th grade I went back to my old school one more time. To be honest I was quite happy. People forgot about everything, they didn't make fun of me anymore. And I had friends. Not many, but at least I had them. My only friend at first was this boy. We were friends in 7th. I sat in the back of the classroom by myself, and he turned around "Oh, you're here? Why didn't you tell me!?" We sat together everyday. I finally had a friend. I made more friends over the course of the year, but before school break, two of my best friends moved, and one was put on medical leave because she has scoliosis. I was alone... Again. None of them talked to me, not even on facebook. Once again I felt alone.
I started taking DXM pills and drinking cough syrup to ease my pain. I couldn't eat because I destroyed my stomach. But at least I felt better, right? I heavily abused. I took them daily. I knew it was a possibility that I could die, but I didn't even care then. I wobbled around the house, and my grandparents always asked if I was okay. The day they found out, was about 2 months of doing it daily. I went overboard with the pills and puked pink all over the place. I was talking, but I really don't remember what I was saying, because I had no thought process, I just said things and they were slurred in my head. They took me to the mental ward. But I only stayed over night. It was the first time I've ever seen my mother cry. I ended up in drug therapy, and during recovery I had lots of strange back to back nightmares about using.
Since then, I've been doing online school. My mom doesn't want me around bad influences like that. It was a great decision. Although I no longer talk. Words don't come out. I went to a party last week actually, but I just sat there on my laptop. People would ask if I wanted to join them, but I shook my head and sat there. I'm tired of talking. And I believe the reason is the drug abuse.
I do have friends, but they're all online. And I'm fine with that. We Tinychat (I don't talk), we play Tetris, and we play Draw my Thing. I'm happy being isolated in my room.
I'm happy for the most part, but sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes I'm both.. But that's normal for me.
The following user gives a hug of support to Imonlyhuman: thk2 (04-15-2013)
i have same problem.since last 6 months feeling so depressed and lonliness,my dad my mom friends can't understand my feelings everyone is there own life,they can't i have some feelings for enjoy the life but they can't feel,
before this 6 months the life was really beautiful but now i am so depressed
i get sleeplessness,heart problems,and so many cause of depression,
so don't feel alone i am with you,i understand your feeling
i wish your life will be fine