This is who I am
Hey guys, what's up!? I am a 19 year old guy from little 'ol utah. This is who I am. I was blessed with a very loving family. There were no tragic deaths. I was gifted both intellectually and physically. I was voted most likely to cure cancer, high honor student, multiple academic awards, and lettering in multiple varsity sports in high school. I've had plans to go to medical school, become a surgeon. I've had the "perfect life." However... For the past 4 years I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression. I have all this great stuff and I despise myself. Pretty selfish right? You must be wondering how someone can have all this and still be depressed. That is something I'd like to know as well. Everyday I feel Worthless. Hopeless.
I have no friends, at best they are acquaintances. I have been hurt, betrayed and cheated on so I have a very hard time opening up. It makes me feel vulnerable and weak. This is the main reason I started cutting. I would rather deal with physical pain, something I could understand, then emotional pain. I dealt with this addiction for almost two years. I am now four months clean and that is all thanks to one person. She is the only person that I completely trust other than myself. While I am grateful for what she did, I sometimes think that she just prolonged the inevitable.
I now have to see a counselor. I don't like it but I don't really trust anyone. I am on two different antidepressants. The first actually started to help me. For one moment I thought that maybe I could actually get through this. It has since leveled off. This only discourages me more. I just want all this suffering to end. I am at my ropes end. I am out of strength. I just want this to stop.
Last edited by Administrator; 07-19-2013 at 04:06 PM.