| | This is me in a nutshell
Early 40's single women, never married and no children (by choice). Not that I am sure this has been a good one, but it was mine to take.
Lost my father at a really young age and I believe this is where the pain starts. I have zero friends, do have family that is finally a part of my life but I still have this pain of un-happiness.
I don't believe I have ever been happy! The only happiness I have ever felt was when I was doing random drugs and could block my pain. I stop doing that in my late 30's and since then have put all my addictions away. I think I am more unhappy now then I was then. I have hit rock bottom with that several times and that is what keeps me from going back to drugs.
I have scars of pain everywhere. I had horrible acne and feel really bad about myself and my scars, in fact I think this is one of the things that keep me from happiness, but I think even if that was to go away I don't think I would be happy.
I don't think I even know what happiness is. I have a sister that is so happy all the time. I think how are we related, my mother is the same way. They get up in the morning happy its a beautiful day, and I just want to crawl right back in bed and just hide and let the world pass me by.
Sometimes I think a man will take my suffering away. For years I thought that would fix me. But the men always seem to hurt me, and I always picked the worst men, so I knew what I expected would happen! Because knowing is better then not knowing! Right? The men that loved me and put me on a pedestal was never good enough. Because they liked me and who the heck would like me! Right?!
I have a job I use to dream of having and you would think that would make me happy. Sadly it hasn't. I work from home, which gives me little opportunity to meet people.
Some days I think "why am I here"? I don't really know the answer to this. I am not religious.
Its sad that so many of us feel this way and its just the way life is. When do we get our turn!!!
Peace and god love all of you that feel like me!
Last edited by Administrator; 08-12-2013 at 07:56 PM.