i feel like i ruined it all

[Murphy555]

Kelleigh,
There are some people that tell everyone NOT to give them narcotics again. I wish I had the strength to think that way; but when it comes to severe pain (that's where the vicodin began)..I also had a severe herniated disc where I could not even sit down for 2 years w/o excruciating pain. In the beginning, I took them as the doc prescribed and it gradually blew up into a major addiction which would plague me for the next 7 years.

I just finished intensive outpatient, and it was exhausting. And altho I've learned alot, I still wish I had another chance at the suboxone, as it can be prescribed for pain as well. I have yet to find another Dr. that prescribes it which my insurance covers. I was lucky the first time. My insurance covered the first Dr. I called.

Now that I'm home, I still feel very week from the ordeal I went through, and not to great. I hope I have the patience to get through the time period that gets to to a good place.

Murphy

[no patience]

Originally Posted by feelbad

Good god Kelleigh,just how strong do you think you are supposed to be here anyway?the pain from bulging discs and DDD can be extremely overwhelming at times.(been there, felt that).Don't knock yourself for having to take something to relieve the agony you are feeling.

I think you need to face the fact that you will have to be taking something here just to have some quality of life.You are only human.I know that you didn't have good luck with the methadone,but have you tried any other options besides narcotics?there are other options besides having to go the narcotic route.and if all else fails,well, you might have to be on some sort of narcotic.but there are other choices besides the hydro.That stuff will knock you right off any good intentions that you may have about not abusing your pain meds.

is surgery an option for you to try and rid yourself of the whole problem?Or at least the herniated discs?Having that part dealt with would at the very least, bring your pain level down to a more tolerable level that you could handle without the use of narcotics.

Have you tried any of the many anti siezure meds like neurontin?i was on that for two and a half years but it started to give me side effects after the last raise in dosage to 3200mgs.My pain doc switched me over to Gabitril.that seems to work somewhat better,but this med seems to make me much more sleepy.

If surgery isn't an option for you, there are other things availiable to you such as the morphine pump that is implanted and delivers the MS directly to your spine so you don't feel the narcotic effects at all.there is also the neurostimulator that can be implanted that could also be a possibility for you as well.

I think you really need to sit down with your pain doc and see what options he feels would be the best for your situation.

I know that Root, has been suffering from some pretty intense pain with his back for quite some time.In his first post after he was out of detox, he mentioned that they had put him on some kind of med that worked for him.I don't know just what that was but I am sure that if you asked him, he would tell you.

i know that the best thing that worked for me so far with my intractable pain has been oxycontin.my pain levels after my last surgery to remove some bleeding blood vessels from the inside of my spinal cord were just absolutely screaming.The neurosurgeon hit a nerve in the cord during surgery that caused some major neuro deficits and damage to my sympathetic nervous system.It also started what is called central pain syndrome.This is the absolute,most torturous pain that i have ever had and the only thing that gives me any bit of relief at all is the OC.

I had kicked a real nasty addiction to hydro way back in 91.i was doing really well until my neck started to fall apart a couple of years ago(herniated discs in the c-spine,and DDD).i was given hydro then and thought i could handle it after all those years had past,but it ended up kickin my butt again.This was my absolute favorite drug once and it didn't take long for that behavior started to appear again.I worked with my doc and we managed to work around it until my last surgery when things really hit the fan.

the really amazing thing for me is that after I got over the fear of taking the dreaded oxycontin, i have been able to maintain things very well with it,i haven't had the urge to abuse it in any way.I know this seems very hard to believe but it dosen't affect me the same way that the hydro did.also knowing that i am only given a certain amount by my pain doc every month and that under no circumstances will I be able to get an early refill should I decide to use more than i am allowed,helps to keep me in check.but i think the biggest thing is that the thought of not having this availiable to me every single day in the right dosage to treat this hidious pain, scares me half to death.if I did not have it, i would have to go to the nearest ER as the pain would be absolutely unbearable.another thing is really interesting about the difference in the way that narcotics make you feel when you are abusing them as opposed to using them to treat really severe pain.when using them to treat intractable pain, all you feel is the relief of the pain, no high.I know that that is the way it is with me,and also other people that I have talked to who are in the same situation.This isn't always the case with everyone,espescially if your pain is not really severe.but it is still that ongoing struggle between good and evil.That will never go away I guess.

i hope this helped at least a little kelleigh.i really do feel for you.It sucks to be in pain and dealing with an addiction.you walk a very fine line and have to be so very careful,but it can be done.

i really think the best thing to do would be to research all of your options and then sit down with your pain doc and discuss each one thouroughly.You should be able to come up with some kind of combo of meds that will work.I am on many different meds for my pain.Not just the OC.i am also getting injections and trying other methods for pain relief as well.One magic pill will not do it for you.I sincerely wish you the best of luck Kelleigh.keep me posted okay?and please DO NOT beat yourself up over having to take a pill.You will work this all out eventually.it will take some trial and error,but you will do it.Take care, Marcia

hi marcia unfortunatly i've tried everything epideral steroid injection,bextra,celebrex,vioxxand ultram the ultram worked a little but in avery high dose so he took me off it and i do have pill counts and everytime i go he asks why i'm not taking them and i explain to him and he tells me not to worry and thank you your story has helped me alot i just felt like such a loser and i,m sorry to hear all you have been through sounds pretty rough you take care also hugs kelleigh

[no patience]

Originally Posted by Twinlynn

Kelleigh - I wrote you a post right after I saw your message this morning...but not only didn't it go thru....but my entire compute froze up! Wow! That's some "hot" problem you have!! LOLOL!! :-) Anyway, everyone has already said the things I had written,,,so I won't be repetitive. But..you haven't ruined a THING! Don't count days like you have been doing --i.e, 100 days--where you land up feeling so stressed out for taking a pain reliever your body needed. It's not an endurance test. Besides..you took "one"--not "one hundred"!!! :-) But now may be the time to get involved with your pain doctor (do you have one?) and figure out a long-term strategy, using non-addictive drugs. The doctor you are seeing has a great idea with this pill counting!!! What a cheat-proof plan!!! You get enough for pain relief--but you don't overuse them.

So...please don't think you "ruined" anything!! You have done a wonderful job getting off the Meth, etc. I've read that the drug meth. can be such a miracle worker for some people...but not if it wasn't right for you. (I believe it has helped Chef so much.) Take care...and take it easy! :-) love, Lynn

hi lynn yes i have a pain dr and have tried everyting under the sun from steroid injections to every new drug out there like bextra celebrex vioxx even ultram but the only dose that word work with the ultram was fairly high so now i'm suppose to take a celebrex vicodin 3 times a day and 1 50 mg ultram if things get rough which they have been surgery he says is to soon so i don't know i know methadone has done wonders for so many people including myself my pain was totally alleviated my tolereance just was building but let me tell the w/ds are a nightmare i will never forget and that's why i'm so nervous about other narcotics but thanks for responding it helps me alot and thanks for the vote of confidence love kelleigh

[no patience]

Originally Posted by Murphy555

Kelleigh,
There are some people that tell everyone NOT to give them narcotics again. I wish I had the strength to think that way; but when it comes to severe pain (that's where the vicodin began)..I also had a severe herniated disc where I could not even sit down for 2 years w/o excruciating pain. In the beginning, I took them as the doc prescribed and it gradually blew up into a major addiction which would plague me for the next 7 years.

I just finished intensive outpatient, and it was exhausting. And altho I've learned alot, I still wish I had another chance at the suboxone, as it can be prescribed for pain as well. I have yet to find another Dr. that prescribes it which my insurance covers. I was lucky the first time. My insurance covered the first Dr. I called.

Now that I'm home, I still feel very week from the ordeal I went through, and not to great. I hope I have the patience to get through the time period that gets to to a good place.

Murphy

murphy things will get better for you and thanks for responding i wish narcotics were not an option for me but unfortunatly it's the only thing that works now that i found that out yesterday kind of sometimes wish a stayed on methadone such a great painkiller but awful drug to be dependant on thank you for responding and i wish you well hugs kelleigh

[farmboy7]

Hi Kelleigh,
You have been my Guardian Angel here so far so I guess it's my turn. You took the pill for the RIGHT reason, for pain and not to get high,so no problem! Just because you got dependent before does not mean we have to suffer for the rest of our lives in pain. Just be careful. Always take them for the right reason and if you don't need it for pain don't take any.
I really don't care if I have to take these for the rest of my life because many docs have told me it's OK. You can't spend the rest of your life in pain because that isn't life the way is supposed to be.
So don't worry about it but do talk to your doc and figure out a way to stick to the program without slipping up.
Good luck.

farmboy