Banker...

[X User]

Outstanding post, Murphy. With respect to the "cushion" concept, that is a tough call. If the cushion was anything other than suboxone, I would think it could potentially become a barrier to success, but in this case, she may find that she doesn't need, although it is potentially available. I also agree with your advice to not putting too much stock in others' horror stories, as it will only create doubt, and be non-motivating. Good luck with your Klonipin decision, and trust your gut, as you know yourself better than a new doctor.

[Banker]

Murphy - thank you! I have to tell you a GOOD story about my experience w/Klonopin. I was on it for years as well.... I would take a total of 1 mg per day, split up in two doses... Well, when I got pregnant with my third child, my OB said "just take one .5 every other day for two weeks and then stop". I couldn't believe it... I thought I would have a seizure for sure... Now, I didn't even know at that time about all of the other withdrawal symptoms (you know, the horror stories we've heard) so I did exactly what he told me to do. I had absolutely NO withdrawal symptoms whatsoever.

I swear if I would have known in my mind what was possible... I would have had every single symptom... but I didn't know. And I felt fine. I mean, I felt absolutely fine..... Two week tapering process. Can you believe that?

I wouldn't recommend it now for anyone because of the things I've heard and I can't believe HE recommended it (although I was fine) but it just goes to show you that what your post said is absolutely correct! Everyone is different and we never know how we will react. Someone was saying (can't remember who but I sent a post out about it) but they were speaking of the phsycological aspect of withdrawals and how they thought that it's possible that most of it could be in our heads.... I believe it. Let me tell you why. I was not able to drop to 10 mgs today... know why? I have felt like I've been in withdrawals ALL DAY LONG! It's all in my head... it's so freakin' weird. So I just took 12.

In addition, I've been listening to Dr Phil's 7 steps to weight loss (I know, I know, I'm such a fool for these kinds of things but I LOVE him) but he just kept saying how it's a choice that I put food in my mouth. I was thinking to myself, just because Suboxone is making me hungry, it doesn't mean I have to feed and binge on this medication. (by the way... it has to be a proven fact that when you go on Sub, it's an automatic 20 lbs and instant constipation... there is a guy at work... his 25 year old just got on it and she has gained 20 lbs in 6 weeks) I can fight the cravings, just like anything else. He (Dr Phil) started talking about how certain foods affect your 'pleasure centers' in your brain and that is just so ME! So... although I'm going to take my sweet little time in getting off of Sub, I've realized that I don't have to do it in a day or a week. I'll just taper slowly so that I'm comfortable.... I'm going to gain control over my eating and I WILL lose weight. I may not be as thin as I used to be... but I can get to at LEAST 135 and still be attractive. So, I don't have such a sense of urgency, I'm more relaxed about it... but I am still determined... I've just got two things to work on... the taper and the food. If I don't eat 15 slim fast bars a day, I will lose weight. If I don't take in more calories in a day than what I burn, I will lose weight. And... if I don't decrease my Sub by 10 mgs a day, I won't go into severe withdrawals. I've got to learn self control. Guess what X ---- You're right. I CAN control this thing... not just the eating, but the drugs and anything else that I can either decide to put in my mouth or not. You are so right! I'm sorry that I was so adament on my own point that addicts could not control what was going on. It's just that when I walked into that doc's office that day for help, I could not control. Now that I've learned how to live my life seeing the world for what it really is, I know that I don't need to be drugged out to live each day. I know that I don't have to eat anything in sight to be happy or find happiness in food. I was binging... And today has been better. ALOT better regarding the food.... regarding my viewpoint on the tapering of Sub... everything. Slow and steady wins the race on Sub... and immediate action regarding food is necessary. Right? Am I trying to do too much?

I figure this --- if I decrease the sub, slowly... then I really shouldn't feel anything for a while... I mean, when I get below 8 mgs... then the cravings might start coming on, but that's a while away... so I can focus on losing weight? God, I've got too much to do. I've got too many HUGE goals that I have to accomplish.

Here's more to the story... Going to Sub doctor on Fri - going to tell him about the severe constipation. Which, by the way, started taking the zelnorm again and it has helped, slightly. (that's prescribed for IBS w/constipation)... and I do mean slightly. I think I'm about to start because my appetite wasn't that bad today so I didn't binge today and felt pretty good. I was going to tell the doc about the constipation AGAIN and also the weight gain.... we'll see what he has to offer.

The best news is I'm going to the shrink on Monday... This doc is like the best in town... seriously, she's amazing. I'm just scared she's going to tell me to get off of everything. Surely to God she won't but who the heck knows. Anyway... thanks for everyone's support... I'm going to get through this, one way or the other. But x - you're right. I will not do anything to risk losing my children again. I'm blessed that I still have them after taking 20 lortab per day. VERY blessed.

Take care and I hope that I don't sound like I'm too confused and running around in circles about what my goals are. My goals are to get off of Sub and lose weight. I think I can do both at the same time with just as much determination for each goal. Whatcha' think? I'm a not facing reality? Am I living in a dream world?

[dschne]

Hey Banker I am so glad to read this post I was really worried and yes you can do both you do anything you want if you put your mind to it I have lowered my dose on what was prescibed and no prob and plan on working on this before the doc trying to stay 1 step ahead of him and the weight thing well just eat right sensable and some type of excercise you,ll be fine and you have a big helper remeber besides all of us GOD. I personally think you dont need so many doctors my sub doc is a physc doc also so I have all in one so something like that is my suggestion.And remeber how many people you have helped just by your words alone I am one of them.There is one real lucky wife and daughter 7yrs old now with a real husband/daddy becose of your words.I am praying and thinking about you.
Dan

[X User]

Banker, you don't sound confused at all; in fact, quite the contrary. And you know what? I am now convinced that your suboxone treatment not only saved your life, but it has given you a residual benefit: You successfully broke one bad habit (the Lortab use), and thus, HAVE ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED ONE VERY MAJOR GOAL, and now you have gained the confidence to not only believe in yourself, but also accomplish more goals! Just find the correct pace, within your limits, and keep moving forward. You will now if you are trying to tackle too much, too soon, and if that is the case, moderate it, so you can reach milestones. I hear in your voice an energy and determination that I am sure was always there, but perhaps under the surface. You are living in the real world, facing it, bravely and confidently. There may be bumps along the way, but you have many friends here that truly understand. Lean on us, if need be, as so many here have leaned on you for support. It's your turn now, and you deserve it.

[Banker]

You guys are wonderful. Thank you VERY much! I didn't binge tonight.... the evenings are the worst... but I did well. Also, just talked to a guy on the phone that I KNEW was bad news and was going to end up hurting me... we talked and I explained that he wasn't good for me right now. We agreed to be friends and I feel great about it. This welbutrin has helped me and i mean ALOT! You guys don't know how depressed I was several months ago and up until the last four weeks. I feel so much better..... so much more normal... and I'm handling this PMS like it's nothing. I know that church has helped me too, there is no question about it. And of course you guys have been amazing! Thank you for being here!!!!!

Dan, I think your approach is a smart one... one step ahead... VERY smart! However, sub did save my life and I know it has saved others as well. It's just going to take a little time to get off of, that's all. And again, if I didn't have the side effects, I would stay on it for as long as I could... because not wanting a pill is a really nice feeling!
Take care and thank you again for your words! I'm very happy for you!