Michelle (and the rest of you!)...check in with us!

[Banker]

I'm very proud of both of you as well. Michelle - four weeks!!! Can you believe it??? Give everyone hints as to how you are handling your cravings? What do you do? Christianmom, did you get the books that Michelle got? Also, how many pills were you taking per day?
Heather, I'm finally losing weight. But, and I know everyone is going to freak about this but the only thing I've found that works is simply not eating... I mean, I'll eat a very small amount each day but it is dropping off. Of course, I guess my body has no choice... if it needs energy, it's not getting it from food so it has to. I don't know how long I can keep it up but it's been about 3 weeks now and i've lost about 9 lbs... I was up to 154. In fact, I haven't weighed in a few days so it may be more than that. I know it's not healthy, but I couldn't lose any other way. And pre-Sub... this is how I used to lose after my kids. I would just go a short time without eating, my stomach would shrink and then I would start eating again and I could not eat very much. I've got to pick up exercising again.
K - here's the kicker... I've met the most amazing man... I mean probably the best looking man I've ever gone out with. He's wonderful. It's very early but so far things are basically like a fairy tale. I guess we will see... And he likes me chuncky and all... AND smoking and all... (not a smoker, and just a really good guy). You can tell he's cut from a different mold than the 'bad boys' I've been seeing. I'm just trying not to get my hopes up so that I won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out... but he's pretty smitten w/me too! Don't you just love that 'falling' feeling where everything is so new and amazing? Anyway, needless to say, I've got to get off of Sub within the next year or so...
Also, my depression is gone. I mean GONE! The wellbutrin has worked amazingly well. Sometimes I forget to take my Sub and i know it's because of Wellbutrin. My cigs are starting to taste bad too - but my phyciatrist told me NOT to try and quit smoking right now... because she wants me to be very stable and also to lose some more weight since I'm still considered 'overweight'.
Anyway, I've missed you guys and I hope everyone writes to say hello and to update us! Take care!!!
Dan --- If you see this - I miss you and am very proud that you are doing so well!!!

[DallasAlice]

Hi everyone!

So, picking up where we left off.... Wow, so much to read and write, but I'll have to wait till later this weekend to post one of my long diatribes. I have to say I learned something while on vacation...along with benzos and opiates, I'm also addicted to this forum. I'm so glad to see the familiar names posting, as well as the many new members with questions and similar situations.

Well, this is just a quick "Hi" to let you know I'm still around (this time off also gave me 7 more days of life, as I was so interested and filled with anticipation to get caught up with the folks I'd just met and see where everyone is in our "addiction status"), and I'm so curious about what and how you are doing. You know, I was only here a short time before my break, and I also realized that one really can come to care and bond with folks who are going thru similar situations in addiction and recovery--even if it is in cyberspace. You were all so kind to me, and at first there were times I felt like "why in the world would these total strangers give a hoot about my problems?" But you all put my mind at ease, welcomed me with open arms and posts, and I really did miss you...

So to Best Friend, Christianmom, Michelle, Sadsister, Rockingham, Philster, and all the wonderful members who--if you don't know already, did so much that kept me going in those first really rough days of my posting and who still are now--I want to say thank you and that I'll be back resurrecting and replying to some of the posts on threads I either started or participated in (and that are probably on about page 5 of this board by now!)

Lots of change has been in the air, so I'll need to spend some "quality time" with my 'puter this weekend, because as usual--so much to say and so little time with kids in the house on summer vacation wanting to use the computer. I'll be around either late at night or early in the morning catching up and posting and welcoming the new members, and no more "lurking" for this addict .

Thanks for the welcome back, and I really did miss this forum and all the good people that come with it, and if I missed mentioning someone in particular, please bear with me...I'm new to this kind of place, and I'm new to saying "I'm an addict, can you help me?"

Be back soon,

DallasAlice

p.s. Michelle, I did read about your health situation, and I would really like to talk to you about what you're dealing with...I know you don't know anything for sure, and the wait till your appt. in July is going to be very hard, so I'm just so happy that you've hung in there and not let this potential trigger send you back in time to addiction status...my props to you for having the toughness to not let that have the power over you to relapse. Having had maybe some similar health issues, I'd love to share what little I know, and please write to me about whatever you are comfortable with, okay? I've been there, and I've been close to being there, so just know I'm thinking about you and want to say whatever I can to help, okay?

[christianmom]

It's SOOOOO great to "see" all of you, and to get such awesome updates!

Michelle, I am so very proud of you, my friend!!!! 4 weeks is an amazing amount of time to be "clean"...you just keep on doing what you're doing, girlfriend! God is good and He is with you every step of the way! As far as your health concerns, please keep us updated and try not to worry about it until you know exactly what's going on. I know, I know...easy said than done. In the meantime, I'm praying for you!

Banker...Wooohoooo on the MAN situation! Sounds awesome! Please keep us posted on that! As far as the weight part...I was 165lbs when I delivered my last baby...just 7 months ago. I'm now 105 lbs if I'm lucky. For the most part, I lost all the weight by exercising and weight lifting at the gym with my hubby several days a week...that was until I fell into the "pill trap". I didn't exercise at all this past month, but of course I lost even more weight because of my love affair with pain pills. Do it the healthy way....exercise and eat right...you can do it, girl! As far as my usage...I was taking 10-15 (at least...I stopped counting out of shame)Norco's (10/325) a day for a little over a month. I know that wasn't a long period of time, but the amount for a person that is 5'5" and weighs 105lbs is A LOT! Don't get me wrong, I DID have withdrawals...just not the horrible, feeling-like-I'm-dying withdrawals I had when I went through this the first time (I was then taking the same amount of pills, but for 4-5 months). I had major insomnia for 2 nights (even tylenol PM wouldn't knock me out), I had major diarrhea for two days, and I sweat so much I probably lost another 5lbs. just from that. My blood pressure was REALLY high too...but fortunately I'm already on propranolol (a beta-blocker..I believe it's similar to clonidine)...I just had to double...maybe even triple my dosage during the withdrawals. It was only really bad for the first two days though, and just got better and better after that. I was amazed...I was still able to function, take care of my 5 kids (ages 7 months to 8 yrs), keep my house clean, have dinner ready, etc. I contribute it all to the power of prayer...before (the first time I went through this)...I had pretty much shut God out of my life out of shame, but this time I knew I couldn't do it without Him. I truly believe by praying for mercy and forgiveness, He spared me the horrible, horrible w/d's that I was prepared for. Okay, so I'm rambling on and on.....I'm still just amazed and I feel SO good knowing that I'm not in the grips of those evil little pills anymore.....

sadsister/BCBurnabyBabe/kevbo~ thanks a million for the encouraging words! I've missed all of you so very much, and I can completely relate to everything sweet DallasAlice said about this board and it's members.

Last but not least....

DallasAlice...I'm SOOOOO glad to see you here again...you sound so good and so positive and upbeat. I can relate to so many things that you wrote...and I truly appreciate the way everyone on this board cares about one another. I've been thinking of you all this week, and praying that you would indeed come back and join us. Please keep us updated..and know that many people here care so very much about you!

Ok....sorry for the novel. I wish each and everyone of you the very best, but I'm sticking around so you're not getting rid of me yet! Temptation is always there, and I don't want to ever forget how easy it is to fall into that trap. My life is so wonderful without pills, I really don't know why I ever thought I needed them in the first place. I can't say that I don't crave one (or 10!) every once in awhile, but I'm so determined to overcome all of that in time. I have 5 beautiful children that need their Mommy to be around for a long, long time.....and I want to be here for them and be the very best I can possibly be.

Love ya all!!!!

[huppy]

john 3:16 a prayer for you,sorry for your problems,you will pull through this like you have everything else..huppy

[John 3:16]

Thanks so much Alice, ChristianMom, and huppy!
I mean it- I was beginning to have a pity-party as I thought no one seemed to care that I could possibly facing cancer! Granted, I am far from the only person on this board with health problems, but when your the one facing them (as I am now) it seems like it- ya know? I appreciate your concern more than you know! Will keep you posted!


Alice, so good to hear you in "good spirits!" I have thought of you so much over these last few days (not being able to post)- was hoping that you would pick up where you left off! Glad you did!
It is so late here, so, will also devote time to the computer tomorrow!


Love to all!
michelle