Hydrocodone & Methadone - Help for Wife

[Twinlynn]

ANEWMAN -

It was years before I even admitted I had a "problem"--let alone searched Goggle (casually!!) for an addiction site! Sadly, we all feel that we have a handle on our situation. It's like a mental broom keeps sweeping any flashes of reality, into a corner.

I can think of several (and there are hundreds) of stories on this Board, where the lying was impossible to stop--the pills took precedence over absolutely everything. It's hard to envision becoming so focused to such a deadly degree....but with addiction, sadly, it is commonplace. (The utter relief and joy, when you DO manage to secure your needed drugs, only days before you run out, is just the most mixed guilty "oh, no.../oh, thank ****" feeling...a feeling that can only be understood by another pill taker. We all know that the reality of this "Mission Accomplished" is just totally sick and indicative of a terrible problem. I am sure you wife has been going through all this misery, herself, right now. Even if she is letting you handle it.) I do hope she can be "weaned" out of seclusion and and onto this Board. I haven't taken that recovery step yet...and I understand all she is going through. You are the most "supportive husband" that most of us do not have. And I can fully understand how difficult it must be for you to draw the line between "supporter"...and "enabler."
You've done so much to help her recover. :-)

JEN -

Yes, what you experienced is so true....my having to take a pill to do something that is joyful all on its own (ie.; watching a movie with a friend) is so indicative of my illness. Somewhere along the line you pass the point from when the pills originally "enhancied your enjoyment of the movie"....to where they became necessary to "ward off" those sick withdrawal symptoms during the movie..... :-(

DALLASA -

Re. Your Methadone Level: My system is like yours in that I always have to take the top range of any therapeutic medications. When other people I knew were prescribed 20 mg of Prozac....I needed 80 mgs...just to get within what my doctor calls "the therapuetic window." My Wellbutrin is at one of the higher levels, as well. Strangely enough, though, I could never take more than one hydro at a time...I become very affected in an umpleasant way--nauseous and a feeling of my muscles tightening around the base of my throat. Same with any opiate. Weird.

[RebeccaW62]

aNewman:

You will print Jen's story and read it to her (your wife).

It will take you a while to understand how addiction works and that you can't do it for her.

You can't protect her from the consequences of her own actions otherwise she will never learn from her own mistakes. You can't love someone enough to make them clean. You will drive yourself insane trying to cure her. You need to be there for your children. How old are they?

My children are 21, 17, and 14. They have been through a lot with my addiction. I hope your wife gets better soon for your sake as well as theirs.

Please go to an alanon meeting. See if they don't give you the same advice. Go just to prove me wrong!

[goddessgrl65]

ANewman-
Hi- nice to meet you-just felt like i should post you-i am a recovering drug addict-i haven't used any opiates since last November-and am on the suboxone maintainence program(similar to methadone)...
You mentioned that you were afraid of getting your wife into treatment-cos others would find out-there is a confidentiality agreement-both parties must sign off on..No one would know...
I have read your posts-and i can tell you really care deeply about your wife/family-but unfortuately its true-your wife is taking advantage of the fact-you don't know about these meds-and streching the truth..i understand-
Shes in deep-w/ dual addictions,etc..
She desperately needs you to help her-and honestly-you need to get her into detox/treatment..there she will be medically supervised/detoxed safely-and medicated to allieve the heavy w/d's-she will be involved in group/individual therapy to help her understand her addictions-and you won't have to enable her...on any level..she will get the help she needs-
Don't worry-about others knowing your business-there is anonymity/in these facilities-you can call your local hospital-for info-take her out of town-
You mentioned shes sleeping it off-are your children grown-or at home???
Obviously-things are not getting much better-i hope you will consider this option-how do you spell relief????DETOX!!!
Then-you can concentrate on helping her-when she comes home-detoxed and ready to face the next stage-recovery..
I really don't think its gonna happen the way things are going right now-professional help is really needed here..thats why these places exist-
Ive been to detox more than once-it took several attempts for me-cos my addiction was enabled-by my friends/husband-myself..
I know how deep it goes-and everyone here that is an addict will tell you-its not easy to get clean-its a process-and it takes alot of work-
I wish you and your family-peace..and if you really want to help your wife-you will insist on professional help-this is a serious health matter-and unfortuately many of us lose the fight-
Blessed Be-
GGrl65

[RebeccaW62]

I hope some of the stuff people write about enabling help you to see things a little more clearly. I started a new thread called Enabling. I hope you read some of the posts there. Bring home a drug test you can buy right in the pharmacy and adminsiter yourself. Now, you have to let her pee on the stick to get the drug levels in her system. This little drug screen can eliminate a lot of doubt and will let the truth come out. If she resists, why? She shouldn't be able to pass right? Then she won't have any trouble taking it? If she knows she can't pass it she will try to make you feel like a heel for not trusting her. Ask her to do it for you. See what happens

After this, I just can't post to you anymore. I know, you are sad. You get great tips from people who care and you just don't get it. I don't want to take any more of your time as you can use this time to run around and do everything for your wife because you got married in a Baptist Church. You are going to "help" your wife right into the grave with this disease.

Untie the umbilical cord you have wraped around her, grow a back bone, and put your wife in a detox/rehab place that can help her whether she likes it or not. If you realy want to help you will insist on professional help. This is a serious matter and it looks like your children are going to be the only ones around to tell the story.

P.S. Read thread "Gumption to tell husband"

[windysan]

Throwing a bunch of AA/NA/Anon slogans at the guy about "enabling" and all that is a little quick in this case(my opinion). I mean, the guy just found out what benzos are. Newman....you should listen to what these people say though(although it is a lot at once). I know you love her but you are also helping with her addiction. Tell her you won't be able to help unless she helps herself. It sounds as if she can't do it on her own and she can't do it with you. To hell with the "stigma" which she thinks rehab will give her. What's better.....a clean, productive citizen or a mumbling, stumbling junkie? If she avoids rehab and gets worse then she'll be looked upon as some kind of town drunk because people are going to notice her slurring and falling down. On the other hand....if she goes and cleans herself up then people won't notice slurring/falling and those that find out she went to rehab will probably consider her a brave person for doing what needed to be done. It is a tough decision to make. If you want to do an "intervention" then you'll need the help of her doc and her family. You might have to tell her that you are hitting the road if she doesn't get help. You might want to go to an "open" NA meeting and talk to some recovering pillheads there...they'll help.