Fisherpard! :-)
I just lost a looooong message to you--hit the wrong button or something and it disappeared. So! Let me try a shorter version! :-)
First, congratulations on Day 20---You have earned every single "passenger mile" on your journey!
I know little about Fibro--other than it is very painful and can rule your life. That must be just miserable to deal with.
And, the way I feel about clinical depression--having my own long struggles with it--depression can be even worse than physical pain. Being "sad" or "having the blues" bears little resemblance to a real clinical depression--where a "storm" in your brain stops the neurotransmitters from producing "norephenephren"--a chemical that you absolutely need in your brain to feel anything "pleasant" or "happy"--or even just 'normal"!!
Situations like yours...where you have dealt with such stress--fighting so much physical pain, along with addiction, withdrawals, etc...can too easily build up to this type of brainstorm that causes clinical depression. Sure, if you were just "feeling sad"....then saying such things to yourself such as "I need to think about other people worse off than me", or "it's up to me to make my life a happy one" or "my problems are so little compared to others", and "one day at a time", etc, etc, might help. But--if your "sadness" has become a chemical depression--you are, unfortunately, in no position to feel ANY of those things. That is the nature of chemical depression. Until your brain rewires itself (here's where antidepressants can be a miracle), and your receptors are transmitting the chemicals you lack, you just feel an overwhelming sense of darkness. So...I empathize so much with your depression.
Are you working with a specialist in this area? Even thought your body has been so resitant to antidepressesants--there has got to be a combination that will work for you. You need to have a doctor who is attacking the situation in a scientific way....keeping careful note of which drugs in which doses in which combos you've already tried. And you need to keep a detailed notebook for each time of the day--a.m., afternoon, p.m, even middle of the night!--to list exactly how you are feeling. Worse in morning? Better as day goes on? It took my psyc. a long time to get me the right combination. The important thing is that you trust your doctor to be taking the time and having the patience to get you to the right drug. And try to give him as much information as possible re. your changing moods each day..something he/she can refer to. PLEASE don't give up!!
Your mention of that Cymbalta give me the first hopeful indication that maybe, just maybe, scientists are finally connecting depression with opiate withdrawal!! This is a connection that people like you and I need no convincing of!!! A pill that tackled both those problems would be a true miracle for us!! :-)
Well, Fisherpard....it's good to read your posts again, and I think it's just wonderful that you've reached day 20.
Please just keep updating us! :-) Lynn
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