Oxy-
I know how you're feeling,and you know what?? I'M sending you a big cyber hug,as it can be a slow realization/process to find your way out of this viscious cycle.You have a two-fold problem-1) You DO have a major chronic pain issue and 2) You are addicted to pain meds.As we all know it is not an uncommon (however unfortunate) situation that occurs when you have chronic pain.When you're ready,you'll find your way back,and hopefully that happens before something tragic occurs.But in the meantime,keep posting,keep talking,and let me know what's happening.I can see at this point you are smack in the middle of miserable active addiction,but you recognize that something has got to start changing.I still say seek out other MD's,a pain clinic,etc.There are better ways to manage your pain,more effective ways out there.Don't go anywhere,keep posting here,everybody is entitled to their own opinion and have different ways of expressing themselves.I've been on and off these boards for almost two years now,and I know there are some absolutely wonderful,supportive people here.I'm sending you strength,prayers,peace and....lots of HUGS!!!!!Keep me posted!!!
Peace and Love,Stacie