Found A Pill Case

[DCV]

I'm starting to feel just a wee bit uncomfortable giving you advice. I'm not a marraige counselor so please, bear in mind that I'm only able to give you the benefit of my own experiences. I could be all washed up giving you my opinion and having you use it for making life decisions and I don't want to be responsible for that. So, please bear that in mind at all times. There is also always the option of going to a marraige counselor too, if you think the relationship could be saved somehow. I used to find myself making excuses to get away from my wife at times, not to sneak away and take pills, but for the respite I found in being alone. The guilt always sat on my shoulders like a big rock, but I needed some time alone to sort things out, and it was peaceful, no fighting or arguing. I felt like since I had decided to quit using that our life should return to normal. Little did I know at the time, that I'd have to start rebuilding a foundation of trust all over again, I'd have to resign myself to the fact that I had to be accountable to my wife for my time. I now understand that she isn't trying to make life hard for me, but its part and parcel to the process of regaining her trust, I know it won't last forever. I had to understand that just because I quit using and am now stable that I now had to take responsibility for a couple of years of he11 I put my wife through, now, its her turn to use her energy to heal herself, from what I did. Now, I have to support her through that process. As far as predicting what he will do in the future? No idea, he could go either way, but I agree that this thing with Steve is not a good sign. I know that I try to spend every minute of my free time with my wife. She wants to go shopping? I take her shopping. She wants to go out and eat? I take her out. She wants to see a movie? I take her to a movie. What she wants, she gets, at least for the next year or so untill she trusts me to be alone. I think I can safely say that he didn't call you just to see how your day was going, it was really just a way to "mention" that he and his bud were going to fly model airplanes. Did he ask you if you wanted to go? Probably not huh? Do you really think they are going to spend Saturday flying planes? Theres your answer. If I were you I'd let him go fly his plane and I'd go do whatever I felt like doing, and I wouldn't call him, I would just start living life like you were single again. I don't mean having an affair or anything like that. But in the respect of taking care of your own wants and desires, go out and do something, spend your Saturday doing what you want to do.

[Scared Wife]

Hi DCV,

No need to feel apprehensive. In the end, the final decision is mine and mine alone. Don't feel responsible. I do appreciate hearing the opinion of a male. It's also nice to hear that my fears/concerns are valid in your eyes and those of the others on this board.

No, I wasn't asked if I'd like to go along to fly the planes at all. Even though my husband built one specifically for me over the winter. On average, I stay home a couple of nights a week and don't see my husband due to things I need to take care of at home for myself along with the cost of gas. Guess it irks me a little that this doesn't allow him to have enough alone time with his friend.

I'm about at the end of my rope anyways and it's not from anything you've mentioned. Believe me, all you have done is validate what I already think & feel. It tells me I am not looking at things with a narrow-minded or selfish attitude. So don't be reluctant to post and keep me on the path I need to be on.

Truthfully, I am not very confident that this is going to turn out to be a good weekend anyway. Too much is building up inside of me...spending time with him only to watch him sleep, yet since ol' steve appeared he seems to be bursting with ambition & energy. Being supportive and helpful only to have steve placed as a priority. Having never been financially or emotionally supported by my husband, but here steve is. We did try counseling through the minister who married us. By visit #3, she referred us to a psychologist. I spoke to her prior to setting up that appt. explaining that I have never shopped for a psychologist and wasn't sure what I should be looking for. (The one she referred us to was too far away for my husband to drive to so I'd contacted her for another referral closer to where we live.) She sensed that I was deeply troubled - about MYSELF and she assured me that I am not crazy, hinting that she was sending us to a psychologist because of my husband, not me. We found one closer to home - he went twice, complained about the expense & inconvenience of the appts, even though once we hit our deductible my insurance paid 80%. He offered to show up for an appt in November, saying that since I was agreeing to the dissolution (for a different reason at that time...his dad wanted to give him a free house but was reluctant to because of our marital state) he felt it only fair to go to an appt for me. I felt that was the wrong reason for him to go and had a feeling it would be anything but helpful, yet I gave him the benefit of the doubt & was still optimistic. He stormed out 20 minutes into the session after he began complaining that I wear make-up to work, yet when we'd venture across the street to rent movies I didn't put on any make-up. Plus he somehow began talking about his deceased sister - another serious issue he harbors yet refuses to deal with. One minute I'm sitting there hanging on his every word, the next thing I know he's out the door & pulling out of the parking lot. My cell phone bill came to almost $300 that month because I spent hours trying to talk him out of suicide.

So please don't feel uncomfortable. I'm level-headed and I know the end decision is mine. But, to put it into the words my husband speaks himself: "Actions speak louder than words." and "Birds of a feather flock together."

Talk to you again soon,
Scared Wife

[Scared Wife]

PS - As I mentioned in an earlier note, every time I see what I think of as a tiny bit of effort on my husband's part, it seems to disintegrate right before my eyes in an instant. And the effort I see from him is MAYBE 5-10%.

[Philster2003]

Scared Wife;

I certainly can understand your situation, and I know what I put my dear wife through which has some parallel aspects to yours. Also, having lived through my mess on your husbands side of the street I would say you have every reason to feel trepidation given some of your husbands mannerisms and recent habitual changes. I would also say there is always more to the story and it would seem; you have been very patient with this nasty mess so if there is a way to get the hubby to open up to you the details you learn might have a significant impact (plus or minus) on current state of affairs between the two of you.

One more thought I’d like to throw out; the pills you described may or may not be opiate based meds based on your brief description. I guess the only positive way would be having a pharmacists or chemical analysis center performe analysis on the pills. I know many here seem to think most of the pills are opiate based but I did a quick search in a Pill Identification site and the pills you describe with the GG 225 & GG 229 may not be opiate based.

For example:

GG 225 could be (based on the Pill identification site) Promethazine hydrochloride tablets are from a group of medicines called phenothiazines, however, it is also part of the family of sedating antihistamines.

GG229 could be (based on the Pill identification site) sosorbide dinitrate (ISDN) which is used primarily to prevent and treat angina and in the treatment of acute heart attacks and heart failure.

Oxycontin pills (brand version) are round and will have an OC on one side and the numerical strength on the other side such as 10 or 20 or 40 or 80. The coloring is white, pinkish, goldish and greenish.

The pill with the V on it may not be Valium or Vicodin. Usually with Vicodin the word Vicodin is fully spelled out on the pill. With Valium the brand pill has a V hollowed out of the middle of the pill, no V on the pill.

Guess my point here is don’t base all your opinions on the pills, use all of the details and information you have and are gathering to formulate your path to resolution whatever that works out to be.

My heart goes out to you and I pray you have a happy ending.

phil

[lane71501]

HEY SCARED WIFE!
He sounds just like my husband when he took the oxys. the financial crap and everything. as you know from my other posts that although the pills are replaced by methadone (ERRRRRR), he is drinking 8-12+ a day and the behavior is still there.
the main thing i've learned is you can take the drink or drug away, but unless he accepts his part in all this junk and truly tries to better himself, you're really stuck with the same miserable creep just minus the drugs. god knows, i was just like this when i first got sober and definately have the potential to be so again in sobriety.
really, i just wanted to thank you for posting to me the other day. the strength i get from others never ceases to amaze me.
heres a (((((((((hug)))))))))))
laney